A New Start

Merry Christmas! and Happy New Year!!! I missed saying this on Christmas day.....so I figured I'd say it now! I got to spend Christmas in Kansas! Not terribly exciting for most people, but I have awesome cousins that live there :D So it was great! I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas as well! Anywho, wow! I can't believe today is the LAST day of 2010. That just blows my mind. Seriously. I really wanted to do something exciting tonight, but I'm just hanging out with the familia. Movie night! Not what I was hoping for, but its still lots of fun. This year has been incredible. I feel like it went by SO fast but at the same time I feel like I did so much stuff! There were several ups and downs. Including my dad being without a job for the whole summer. But I really learned a lot from that experience. And I'm so very grateful that the Lord has blessed my dad with a new job. I hope we never take it for granted. I also feel like I kinda came out of my shell this year. I'm usually pretty shy but I kinda feel like I've left that part of me behind (for the most part). I'm still pretty quiet but I've learned to be outgoing, friendly, and talkative. Haha! I'm really looking forward to a new year! A new year means a new start. A chance to be someone different,. A chance to be the person you want to be. The hard part about a new year is letting go. Looking back there's so many things I wish I could redo. Mistakes I'd change, things I'd say, and things I'd do. Someone once told me: "Ask me anything. My life is an open book. No regrets." Wow. I honestly wish I could say that. But I wouldn't exactly say my life is an open book. There's so much left unsaid, and so much I can't bring myself to say. But maybe, just maybe, if the right person asked, I might tell them. Not to mention, I do have some regrets. But that's in the past! And looking back never got anybody anywhere. So I hope 2011 brings new friends, new opportunities, new places, and new things to learn. Happy New Years everyone!!!!!!

A Song Story

Come with me and we'll go walking in a Winter Wonderland and go for a Sleigh Ride together. We'll sing The Christmas Song as Its Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas. The Jingle Bells will sing along as we exclaim "Let It Snow!" We'll take in this Silent Night as the moonlight reminds us that It Came Upon A Midnight Clear. We'll snuggle close cause Baby, Its Cold Outside! So Deck the Halls while we're away, and Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. We'll wave to Frosty the Snowman and gasp in amazement as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer whizzes past us. Its going to be a White Christmas and we've got the Holly and the Ivy in hand. We'll have a grand time as we Believe that Christmas is truly the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! (:

Winter Randomness

Four more days! Can you believe it?? Christmas is literally right around the corner. I absolutely love listening to Christmas music. To be honest.....I listen to it before December! Occasionally in the summer, but never around Thanksgiving. It sort of ruins the Thanksgiving mood....hmmm. Anywho! On a side note, Sleigh Ride and Winter Wonderland are definitely two of my most favorites. The piano music for both of them is ahh-mazing. The snow looks absolutely beautiful tonight. It makes me want to sneak out and go for a midnight walk in a winter wonderland. With the hazy night sky, the heavy blanket of snow, and a slight breeze that causes the snowflakes to dance around. Oh it would be beautiful. And if I had a special someone to share it with? Well that'd be like a scene straight from the movies! Hmm...now I'm really wanting to venture outside.....perhaps I shall. You just never know with these things. And aren't Christmas movies great! White Christmas with Bing Crosby is definitely my favorite! A true classic. Holiday Inn and A Christmas Carol are definitely on the list too. As is Joyeux Noel! That one is actually a World War I story about the Germans, French, and Scottish on Christmas Eve. Ahh, I just love Christmas (:

The Christmas Story

I love it when it snows. The sight of snowflakes gently falling against the grey night sky. Words can't even describe it. Looks like it'll be a white Christmas this year! I love it when that happens. Can you believe Christmas is right around the corner? Its so exciting! I just love the Christmas season. There's something about it that I can't describe. There's the glow of the lights, the smell of the Christmas tree, lots of snow, Christmas music playing, and all sorts of delicious goodies baking. Mmmm mmm! And I just love getting together with the family! Aunts, uncles, and cousins. Lots of good times. There's so much to enjoy! But I hope that even with all that, we won't forgot the true meaning of Christmas. Long ago, God sent His son to the earth. He was born in the little town of Bethlehem in a dirty stable. He was a King, and yet he slept among the sheep and donkeys. Shepherds were His first visitors. But wisemen from the east sought Him, and upon finding Him gave Him gifts. Jesus had no fanfare, no palace, no costly jewels. He came as a little baby, but He was the Savior of the world. I believe that Jesus is truly the only way, and I celebrate Christmas because its His birthday (: Merry Christmas!!!

Never Alone

Dark waves crashed against the jagged cliffs. Spraying foam on anyone who dared stand close enough. She stood alone of the cliff, her head hanging. Tears filled her eyes and mixed with the salty spray that slid down her cheeks. She felt like the dark clouds overhead were pressing down on her. A cold wind blew her tears back. But they came down faster then the wind could blow them away. She sank to her knees and cried out in despair. All at once the dam broke. Everything she'd been holding back, bottling up till then, came spilling out. The rain began to fall. First at a mere sprinkle, then a steady drizzle, and finally it came down in torrents. Her jacket and jeans were soaked. Her hair hung down, hiding her face. She couldn't bring herself to look at the jagged scars that crisscrossed her arms. She was tired of doing this on her own. She had remained standing for so long, but no more. She clutched her sides as she sobbed her heart out. A sharp pain seared her through her very core and her heart ached. Who could love someone like her? An outcast. Always rejected. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. And a voice, “Oh, my child.” Gentle and kind. She couldn't even bring herself to meet His gaze. Her shame was too great. She tried to keep Him from seeing the scars on her arms, she didn't want Him to know. But even as she thought that, He took her hands in His. Looking down she could see the ugly scars He bore on His hands. “I did it for you.” He says to her. “Because I love you.” Slowly she lifts her head, afraid to meet His gaze and yet desperately wanting to see. She's surprised by what she see's in His eyes. There's no judgment, no scolding. Only love. She starts to cry again. “I don't deserve it.” She manages to say. He smiled kindly. “I paid the price so you wouldn't have to. I love you so much.” His eyes are gentle, full of grace and mercy. Tears stream down her face as she looks at her scars. Shaking her head she speaks, “It's no use. I've done so much wrong in my life. How could you love someone like me?” She asks brokenly. There's no answer but when she looks in His eyes she see's the unconditional love. “It doesn't matter what you've done, my child. There's nothing you could do to make me love you less.” Her eyes widen. How could this be? Longing to be relieved of her burden, she flings herself into His arms and begins to weep. But this time the tears aren't as anguished, more of relief. Finally, there was someone she could lean on. Someone who loved her. One who promised to never leave her nor forsake her. Yes, the road would still be hard. But she would never be alone. Again.

Along Comes Winter

The smell of the Christmas tree, Christmas music playing, eggnog drinking, snow falling, people laughing, fire crackling, goodies baking, warm glow, happy faces. Let the Christmas season officially begin! Ahhh, this time of year is one of my favorites! Everything about it makes me smile. Yeah its somewhat stressful, but all the good and fun things that go on make the stress worthwhile. My younger siblings love playing the "Christmas lights" game. Whenever we're in the car they count Christmas lights and see who can count the most. It's a very exciting, and often very loud, game. I'm sitting in front singing along to the Christmas music we've got goin' when my little sister exclaims: "Christmas lights!!!" To which my little brother retorts: "That's not Christmas lights! That's just a star that's pretty." That made me laugh out loud! Good times (: The weatherman calls for more snow this Saturday! Hopefully it'll be enough to go sledding. Sledding is definitely one of my all time favorite things to do in the winter. Aside from the usual snowball fights, snowmen, and ice skating of course. Don't you just love winter?? It's often pretty cold, but something about cold air is breathtakingly refreshing. It just seeps into you and leaves you feeling relieved and less stressed. But maybe that's just me.......I also love seeing the frosty designs painted on my window, and late at night I get to see deer out my window! They're so beautiful as they walk soundlessly through the snow. Winter just amazes me.

The Hopeless and the Cynics

Hopeless romantics and cynical romantics. Is there really a difference?? The hopeless romantic wants so bad to find that special someone to spend the rest of their life with. They dream about the day their prince/princess will come. Always imagining up scenarios in their heads. The cynical romantic scoffs at such notions. Saying they don't believe in true love and that something like that could never happen. But I wonder, do they scoff because their heart has been broken one too many times? Did they have a true love who wasn't true? Maybe they're secretly hoping that they'll find someone they can trust their heart with. But until then, do they laugh it off and keep everyone at arm's length? I think everyone wants to be loved. They want that chance to know that someone loves them, and that they matter to someone. But maybe I'm being silly and this isn't true. Maybe I'm just rambling on about something I should just let go. But I feel like people should know. Should know they're not alone and that people are searching just like them. So back to the original question. Hopeless romantics and cynical romantics. Is there a difference? Wether they dream about it and talk about it, or just pretend like they don't care. Both want to find true love.

Beautiful Snow

There's something about new fallen snow that's so magical. Maybe its the way the moonlight shines on it, making the world a whiter place. Whatever it is, it always leaves me breathless. I love how a blanket of snow makes a bleak, winter landscape into a stunning piece of scenery. It's incredible! I love how the snow makes the nights lighter and less cold. And I just love looking out my window and gazing at a snow covered world. Snow goes right along with the Christmas season. We put up the tree tonight! I even have a mini tree for my room (: and man does it make my room smell amazing! Another thing about snow that amazes me : the fact that NO two snowflakes are alike. Each is intricately and specially designed. Isn't that amazing? Wow. I would have such a hard time coming up with that many different patterns. Thank goodness I'm not in charge of making the snowflakes. As much fun as it sounds, it also sounds like a lot of hard work. My favorite kind of winter night? I'm out in the country, the city is miles away. There's a full moon shining on at least six inches of beautiful white snow. The stars are shining like diamonds against the black velvet night sky. The air is chilly and my breath shows in the moonlight. The world is silent, blanketed by the snow. A slight breeze blows my hair gently from my face. I breath in the cool night air and suddenly my worries are gone. How could you feel anything but peaceful on a night like this? It's beautiful. And there's nothing in the world quite like it.

Keep On

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed its like the weight of the world crashing down on you? You're tired of standing and you don't want to do it on your own anymore. You have millions of thoughts, hundreds of feelings, and so much to say. But you can't open your mouth and your heart just aches. You want so bad to tell someone, so you don't have to carry it on your own anymore. But whenever we're asked if we're okay, why is it that our first response is usually: "I'm fine"? Usually they believe us and move on, all while we're secretly begging for them to see past our lies. Why do we do that? Maybe because we don't want them to have to worry about us. Maybe we don't want to be a burden. Or maybe we're afraid they'll see how weak we are. Afraid that they'll see what's underneath our smile. Whatever the reason, it still hurts. And so we hope for someone who will see behind our masks. We all have masks we wear. Wether its putting on a tough front, faking smiles, or simply retreating within ourselves. We want someone to see. But we're too afraid to ask. Too afraid to voice the doubts, fears, and thoughts within us.

Spinning in circles, seemingly endless.
Unsure of where to go.

Chasing dreams but never catching,
arms stretching but never reaching.

So I simply held back, I closed myself up.
I thought it would be okay if I kept quiet.

A wall was around me, one I had built myself.
Not sure if I was hiding, from the world or from myself.

Questions ran through my mind, questions never spoken.
Afraid to ask, afraid to speak, scared of my own voice.

Frustrated with my feelings, wishing they would stop.
Wanting out, but not knowing where to start.

If I seem afraid, I want you to know......I'm trying
But the wall is built high and strong, so it might be awhile

Held captive by myself, so frustrating.
But I'll never give up the fight.
(written by: me)

Things I'm Thankful For

Well, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. So much to do before it gets here! There's been tons of baking going on in my house before we head out of town to celebrate with the family! We've made caramel corn, peanut clusters, pies, cakes, cranberry relish, sweet potatoes, and there's more to come. I feel like Thanksgiving is slowly fading. While hanging out with friends today we wished basically everyone in sight a "Happy Thanksgiving" to which some replied with another cheery "Happy Thanksgiving to you too." Though the majority of those we called out to, merely responded with a smile and a "you too." Are we not allowed to say Thanksgiving anymore?? Oh well, they might have a good reason. On a happier note, I love Thanksgiving! For us, it always means spending time with the extended family, having a blast, eating plenty of good food, and remembering what all we're thankful for. I think too often our lives just get so busy that we forget to be thankful for things. The big things as well as the little things. So I decided to list things I'm thankful for. Of course family and friends are things basically everyone's thankful for, but how about the small stuff?
Things I'm Thankful For:
Family, friends, music, converse, piano, duct tape, summer, volleyball, basketball, cousins, watermelon, BBQ ribs, picnics in the park, jumping in leaf piles, going to the movies, shopping, hanging out with friends, being crazy, star tripping, star gazing, riding horses, mangoes, my favorite stuffed animal (yes I have one....don't we all??), my own room, facebook, hoodies, skittles, paper, pencils, a good book, sledding, building snowmen, ice skating, swimming, college football, cameras, pillows, my bed, dancing in the rain, jumping in puddles, bonfires, a full moon. And there's so many more! But I thought I'd just share a few (: If you think about it, there's so much to be thankful for.

Love Takes Courage

It's something we all want. Everyone wants to be accepted; to be loved. Though we can pretend we don't. We make it look like we're fine on our own, like we don't need anybody. But the truth is, deep down inside, to be accepted and loved is what we want most. When someone loves you, you begin to see yourself through their eyes. And bit by bit, you begin to like yourself too. To be okay with who you are. It's strange, we're so afraid of being rejected that we often tend to push others away first. Not realizing that they truly care, and really do want to be our friends. But we're afraid. Afraid of being hurt. So we put on our bravest face and try not to let our guard down. But the more we try to be brave, the more ashamed we become. And we're afraid of people seeing us like that. We're trying to prove we aren't weak. But aren't we all a little weak? I don't pretend to know everything about this. Cause I don't. I'm still learning day by day. And some days I get frustrated and feel alone. And some days I just want to lay under the covers and let the day go by without me. Sometimes I feel like no one cares. But its just a lie. We want so bad to be strong. But really, its because I've been loved that I've become stronger. There's a saying, "Hate is easy; but Love takes courage." And it's so true. Loving someone is hard because we'll most likely get hurt along the way. And being hurt is something we tend to shy away from. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't love people. What about the people out there who need love? The girl no one notices. Or the guy alone in the corner. Do we just ignore them? Do we think to ourselves: someone else will help them? Heroes are made when you make a choice. You could be someone's hero, just because you showed you cared. No one really deserves love. I know I don't. Yet the God of heaven sent His only Son to die for me. Why? Because He loved me. And He loves you. Even though we'd done nothing to deserve it. Because of the cross, we're allowed to come into the presence of God and be accepted in His sight. Us. Unworthy and undeserving. But He loves us. His love is amazing, steady and unchanging. If His love was an ocean......we're all sinking.

Insecurity

The future is a scary thing. Stepping out into the unknown for the first time. It's kinda've intimidating. There's tons of stuff to consider when we're trying something new. We're so afraid of what other people will think, of what they'll say, and we're afraid to fall. We don't want to make a fool of ourselves. In today's world they make "fitting in" seem so important. And often we think it is. We think we've got to listen to the latest music, wear the latest brands, and have the latest technology. We've gotten so caught up with "fitting in" that we've forgotten how to be ourselves. So what if we're different? Honestly, it'd be refreshing. Why not be ourselves? It'd be so much easier then trying to pretend to be someone we're not. Lie after lie, trying to make people think we're something different. Is it really worth it? I want people to like me for who I am. Not someone I try to be, or pretend to be for that matter. Another thing I tend to do is be someone around certain people, but different around other people. What's up with that?? Honestly, I'm not really sure. I hate it when I act like that. So lately I've been telling myself "Just be yourself." You'd be surprised at the results. People like it when you're yourself. When you're honest with them. No lies, nothing pretend, no faking. We get so caught up in what other people think, that we don't realize that they're probably worrying about the same thing. So what if we did something different? But what if we just let our insecurities fall to the ground? What if we dared to take that first step? What if instead of waiting for someone to talk to us, we go up and talk to someone else? If you did that, I think you would make that persons day. Everyone wants to know someone cares. So let's branch out and move on. Too often we don't spread out wings because we're afraid we'll fall. But we can't go on living like that. I don't know about you, but I want to fly.

Unconditionally

Do you ever stare at a blank page, wondering how to put your thoughts into words? Ever try to somehow or another figure out your thoughts and feelings? Trying to make sense of your world? I guess there's something's words won't ever say. But that's where music comes in. Sometimes while playing piano, I feel like I can pour my heart and soul into the song. Someone once said "Where words stop; music begins." And its so true. At least, for me it is. Ever hear a song that completely swept you away? It seemed that in that instant, that song described you and/or your life perfectly, and suddenly you wanted to cry? But maybe I'm just being silly. Maybe nobody ever feels like that. But honestly I think we do. When we're all alone at night, lying in bed, we're flooded with thoughts. Thoughts of happiness, regrets, sorrows, and joy. Some nights we laugh ourselves to sleep while other nights we cry. Then we go on the next day. Pretending like nothing had happened the night before. All the while desperately hoping that there'll be someone who will see us. Someone who will see behind our mask. And then we'll have nothing to fear. We're free to be ourselves around that person. Those people truly make life worth living. But wanna know something really cool? The Lord of all Creation, Maker of heaven and earth, He knows all about me. He knows all about you. He knows our hopes, our dreams, our fears, and our deepest desires. He knows us better than we know ourselves! But the best part is that He knows all about us and LOVES us. He loves us for who we are. Not who we try to be, or want to be. He doesn't love us because we're great and important. No. He loves you for you. Now how amazing is that! He loves us unconditionally. Let me say that again. UNCONDITIONALLY. Wow.

By the way, I heard this song for the first time today. Being a huge piano fan I fell in love with it instantly. Its called Aerial Promenade by Seagull Orchestra. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Music and Space Heaters

Just listening to Owl City makes me happy! There's just something about his music that lifts your mood and makes you want to get up and dance and sing at the top of your lungs. Or maybe that's just me......hmmm....so lately I've really been into a lot of electronica music! Stuff like Owl City, Into Airwaves, Nevershoutnever, The Ready Set, and Lights. Stuff like that. I find it rather refreshing from all the stuff you hear on the radio. Not to mention, the radio always overplays the good songs and before long you're sick of them. What's up with that?? But yeah, music is amazing (: I love all types of music! Although, I'm not really a fan of screamo. No offense to those who do like it, its just not my cup of tea. I really like finding new music! And then I get to go and share it with all my friends, and hopefully they'll like it too. So yeah, anywho, I guess today is the first day of daylight savings. I hope everybody enjoyed that extra hour of sleep last night. It makes you wonder though.....who came up with the idea of changing times and stuff??? I personally really like the fact that its lighter out earlier in the morning. I really don't like getting up when its pitch black. No fun at all. Its no fun when its freezing cold either. My room, being in the basement, it always frigid. Thank goodness for space heaters. I have a little one in my room that's pretty much always on. It's a faithful little thing. So yeah, music and space heaters (: Two things I couldn't live without.

Just A Smile

Do you ever think to yourself late at night: “No one else has this problem?” Honestly, I think we'd be surprised at just how many people are going through things right now, this very minute, things we can't even imagine. Have you ever stopped to think about the people around you? Do you look at people passing by and wonder what they're going through? Sometimes all it takes is a smile. I think we need to smile more often. You'd be surprised just how much a smile can mean to someone. I kinda think smiles are contagious....maybe that's just me. But sometimes, when someone smiles I can't help but smile back. Listening to Owl City also makes me smile. No matter what (: See. A smile (: It's funny how little things like that can brighten your day. Personally, when someone smiles at me (especially if its someone I don't know) it kinda makes my day! It's like “Hey! They actually smiled at me.” Maybe I'm just being silly. But a smile is the curve that sets things straight. Why not give it a try? Smile at someone today and maybe you'll see what I'm talking about.

You Are Loved

Does anybody else lie awake at night, listening to music, staring at the ceiling, just thinking?? Its at night when I do most of my thinking. Maybe because at night everything's quite, there's no one rushing you, nothing constantly wanting your attention. Your mind is free to just think, think, and think. But its also when thoughts we tried to push away during the day come flooding back to our mind. We constantly think over all the mistakes we've made, past and present. All the things we should've done differently. Its when we think, maybe voice, our deepest fears and our deepest desires. People prefer the night, because they prefer to hide. We don't want people to see us for who we really are. But what if that's what we need most? We try to hide, but we're desperately hoping that someone will see behind our mask, and see who we really are. Maybe this is all just random nonsense and I should just give up talking about the subject. But I believe there's something more behind it. Everyone wants to know that they're loved. That they matter to someone. Well I can tell you for sure, you do matter to someone. Weather you know it or not. Someone loves you. The darkness hides us, but the light reveals who we really are. Maybe we shy away from that. If someone really loves you, they won't care what you are on the inside. They'll love that part too. Sometimes I wonder if its too good to be true......sometimes I doubt that there's someone out there for me. But then I remember: I have Someone who loves me SO much that He actually sent His only Son, Jesus, to die for me. Me? Can you believe it?? Who would die for me? But that's exactly what He did. He loved us so much that He wanted to be sure that we could have a chance. A chance to live with Him forever and ever and ever. The price is paid, the offer is made. All we have to do is accept it. Accept it and that gift of salvation can be ours. “Sure,” we think to ourselves, “I'm a pretty good person.” You probably are. But good isn't good enough. Just being good won't get us there. You see, God is loving a gracious, but He's also holy and just. He can't let just anybody into heaven. Compared to Him, we all fall short. But there's good news! He sent His Son to take our place. To die for us. And receive our punishment. But it didn't end there. He's not dead. He's alive! He defeated death once and for all. How amazing is that! It blows my mind every time I think about it. What wondrous love is this! So you see, when you're thinking at night, and feeling like nobody cares, like nobody knows. All you have to do is remember: You are loved.