My Own Little World

It's so easy to get caught up in thinking only about ourselves. We live in a world that constantly promotes “me-istic” thinking. All too often I get caught up in daydreaming about how I want my life to be. It's like I think that I know best, when I really don't. I create for myself a little world inside my head where things happen to me, for me, and because of me. But this way of thinking is wrong, and I need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Life is short. The Lord Jesus Himself has told us that “Behold, I am coming quickly.” But do we really live as if He was coming back soon? We like to think that we will live forever, and that we have all the time in the world to do things. That's not true. Our life is but a vapor, and we could die at any given minute. I'm not trying to be morbid, I'm just trying to show you just how fragile our life really is. Contrary to what we like to think, we are not in control of our lives. There is a master designer, and He knows exactly what goes on in our life, and why. I heard a song on the radio the other day called My Own Little World by Matthew West, and it really really hit me. In a way it was a wake up call for myself. I'm a selfish person, and though I acknowledge that, I've never really done anything to change. I've never asked myself, “How can I help someone else? Is there something I can do to let people know that they're loved?” More often than I like to admit, I find myself thinking that life is about me, and I create little scenarios in my head about me being noticed, liked, ect. I don't want to be like that anymore. I'm tired of living inside my own little world. There are people out there who have it so much worse than I do, and I need to get over myself and start helping. It's so easy to be inspired, but it's so hard to actually go out and do something. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and instead look at the bigger picture. I can't help but think of some of the lyrics from the Matthew West song: "Father break my heart for what breaks Yours. Give me open hands, and open doors. Put Your light in my eyes and let me see, that my own little world is not about me."

Walls

Some days its all we can do to drag ourselves out of bed. We aren't ready to face the world and we'd much rather hide away under the covers. Yet if all we do is continually run and hide then we will miss out on so much. Fear and shame only drives us farther from the ones we love and they keep our hearts locked away. I don't want to be like that, but though I tell myself this, I keep finding myself doing the exact opposite. I build up walls around myself and convince myself that no one is allowed in. I have it in my head that I'm safer that way, and that I won't ever be hurt again. As the walls rise up all around me, I realize that they're transparent, and than I worry that others will be able to see through. Inwardly I curl up into a ball, wrap my arms around my legs, and bury my face between my knees. The longer I sit there, the more alone I feel. I'm holding my breath and hold back the tears, as a lump grows in my throat. I tell myself that it doesn't matter; that I'm fine on my own. Though deep down inside I know that I'm lying. The more people pass by, the more I wonder why they can't see. I suddenly leap to my feet and pound against the walls, but even though I'm screaming I can't hear a sound. The walls I had built to protect myself were now the walls that held me captive. Then suddenly He is there right by my side. I look down and see the tears I cried in His hand. He lifts my tear-stained face to meet His gentle, loving gaze, and suddenly the walls slowly begin to dissolve all around me. Rays of golden sun seemingly melt the cold, blue-grey stones that had been my jailer only just a moment ago. And grace, overwhelming, never-ending, abundant grace sweeps over me like a tidal wave. Hope once again floods my soul as my Lord and Savior takes me by the hand and pulls me to my feet. Such grace, such love, such new found peace. Oh Jesus, precious Jesus, to think that You could love someone like me.

Summer Nights

Finals are done, the books are put away, daylight lasts longer, and the weather is finally staying warm. Summer is officially here. I absolutely love summer. Yes, the heat can be a bummer sometime but all the other good stuff about summer definitely outweighs that slightly disappointing aspect. I've already been to several open houses so far, and there's plenty more to come! Some of my favorite things about summer are really the more simplistic stuff though. Things like: watermelon, corn on the cob, sand volleyball, swimming, melting ice cream, sprinklers and trampolines, sleeping in, stargazing, late nights out, driving with the windows down and music blasting, the smell of freshly mowed grass, sizzling homemade hamburgers, wading in the creek, endless photos, being outside the whole day, sleeping with the windows open, spending the day at the lake, chasing fireflies, listening to the crickets, spending the days with friends, playing piano for hours upon hours, reading countless books, smoothies, a new swimsuit, picnics, and of course many, many more memories. Of course there will be the working in between, but for the most part my summer is wide open. I love this time of year. The windows are open, there's a gentle breeze blowing, the stars are out, the moon is bright, Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute is playing, and I don't want to go to sleep. I look forward to many more of these nights!

More Music

So, I'm a huge fan of foreign music. I don't know why, but I just love it! I think it's because it's so different from American music. The music is incredible, and then of course the accents just might have something to do with it. My first introduction into the world of European music was when my sister made me listen to Nightwish. They're pretty much Celtic punk, with gorgeous piano! After that it was on to Russian music, like T.A.T.U. and such. But recently I was really into Korean and Japanese pop. It was just a ton of fun and I loved the way they would use the electric keyboard and synthesizer. Not to mention me and two of my best friends were basically addicted. Our favorites were definitely DBSK, SS501, and 2PM. I recently discovered a new favorite, they're a UK pop band, and though they're pop they definitely border on electronic. Which I love! Anywho, they're called The Wanted and I stumbled across them while clicking randomly on Youtube. The Wanted recently released a new song called Gold Forever and its incredible, and I love how they have strings (like violin and cello) playing in the background. It's absolutely beautiful. And it's just one of those songs that make me instantly happy when I listen to it. Whenever I hear it I've got to turn it up, roll down the windows, and sing as loud as I possibly can as the people in the cars next to me give me straaange looks.

Musical Thoughts

Alright, so I had this great conversation with my friend today, and he was telling me that if he ever became a millionaire than he would hire a band to follow him around and play music according to his life. Oh, and this all started because I had exclaimed how fantastic it would be to have a soundtrack for one's life. As we got to talking about it though, I got to wondering, and then a thought from August Rush popped up. "Music is all around us. All we have to do is listen." Music doesn't have to be a constantly playing because so often there's music inside of us. It's a rising swell inside of us that's just waiting to be released. Sometimes it pulses through some people easier than others, but of course it all really depends on whose listening. Not only is there music inside of us, but it's also there all around us. There's music in the wind as it rushes through the trees. There's music in a thunderstorm, in a bubbling brook, in the mighty ocean, in the robin's song, the crackling of a fire, and in the pounding hooves of a herd of horses. As the music rises within me, it makes me want to soar away and leave this world behind. I can feel the bass in my chest; I can see the notes swirling through my mind; and I can hear the words begging to be released. The point? I absolutely love music.