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Out of breath and scared to death, I'm running
I can't seem to stop myself from going
There's nothing but darkness all around me
I try to call out but I can't hear a thing

To my knees I fall as the tears stream down,
So tired of being lost, just longing to be found.
“I've gone too far!” I cry in desperation
Though I know I don't deserve salvation.

But You found me in a place I don't belong.
You found me, even though I'd fallen so far.
I deserved punishment but only found grace.
Arms stretched wide You beckoned me,
Home.

It's to You I cry in my pain and my hurt,
My tears streaming down and mixing in the dirt.
My lips move silently in an unspoken plea
Oh how could You love a sinner like me?

But You found me in a place I don't belong.
You found me, even though I'd fallen so far.
I deserved punishment but only found grace.
Arms stretched wide You called me,
Home

I tried to run away, I tried to hide.
Putting up a front while I faded inside.
Though I seemed alright it was all just a lie
Laughing on the outside, but just wanting to cry.

You found me in a place I don't belong.
Yeah You found me even when I'd fallen so far
I deserved punishment but only found grace
Arms stretched wide....

Arms stretched wide You beckoned me,
Arms stretched wide You called me,
Yeah arms stretched wide You welcomed me,
Home

Written Words

I've always been a writer. I don't mean what most people think of as a writer, I mean writer in that its always been easier for me to write out my thoughts. I have a hard time saying what I really want to say and it never comes out quite right. And then I wonder: Did they take that the right way? Should have said that differently? Did they get what I really meant? It's awfully frustrating. The words do come out right sometimes but usually I end up feeling foolish and wishing I'd just kept my mouth shut. It's something I tend to do a lot. But whenever I write the words flow out smoothly and I don't have to worry about sounding stupid. And I'll write on whatever I can get my hands on. I actually have this box hidden in my room that has hundreds of random scraps of paper, torn out notebook pages, even little sticky notes inside of it. On all that paper is several finished songs, even more unfinished, bits and pieces and chunks of stories I'm working on, a few poems, and a bunch of random writings in which I ramble (like what I'm doing now). There's so many things I can't bring myself to say out loud and yet I can put them on paper. That's why I love writing so much. But just because it's easier for me to express myself with pencil and paper doesn't mean I shouldn't keep trying to do so with spoken words. One day I want to be able to get my train of thought out without having to resort to paper or just not say anything at all.

It's Because

Okay, so who here remembers the first person they honest-to-goodness, really liked? Most everybody? That's what I figured. There's something special about the first person another person likes. Whether it's their eyes, their smile, their personality, or their sense of humor. Maybe it's even their looks (and though that's all well and good I really hope there's another reason too). I remember the first guy I ever really liked. And to me there's a difference between a crush and honestly, really liking someone. Anyways, he fit the "tall, dark, and handsome" description, was really athletic, a musician, and I remember being so impressed with how nice he was. A couple years went by before I saw him again and his family actually moved to my town. Crazy, right? Well, he wasn't exactly the same as I remembered but I still really liked him. I wasn't willing to give him up just yet even though he never even talked to me. My sisters didn't get why I liked him, especially when I knew he had a special girl back where he used to live. I guess I was hoping maybe, just maybe he would notice me and end up liking me. I know, it's ridiculous. Especially since I'm not really a romantic kind of person.....I guess maybe it was my stubbornness that wouldn't let me give up. Okay, so now that I've said all that; who all remembers the first person who liked them? The majority? Alright then, its a lot different than liking someone isn't it? I remember the first guy that liked me. It was awhile ago but the thought that kept running through my head was, Why me? I didn't get it. Out of all people why did he like me? Of course I run through all my faults, imperfections, and annoying habits. Then after thinking about all that then I really want to know why. And after giving it some thought, this is my conclusion: It's because they saw something that no one else saw, not even the person themselves, and they liked it. It's because they saw through that mask, looked inside, and liked them anyways.

What Is Love?

Another year, another Valentine's Day. I get a lot of mixed reviews about this holiday in particular. It seems that people either love it or hate it. And then there's those random people that seem as if they really couldn't care less (though secretly they really do care). It does make me wonder why we have this day set aside to tell people "I love you," and show them that they're cared for. Um, if no one minds me asking, why don't we do this everyday? Time is short as is and we won't live forever. So why do we wait to tell those people we care about how we truly feel? Why not put everything on the line and just come right out and tell them? In our society today the words "I love you' are thrown around carelessly. The true meaning of love has been trampled and cast away. The Greek word for love is "agape." Agape love is the purest form of true love; its a selfless, unconditional love. There's thousands of love songs out there that constantly say "I need you." While that's all well in good, if it were true love they'd be willing to sacrifice their happiness just to see that other person happy. That's what true love really is. It would be me putting others above myself and putting their needs above my own. Love like that is hard to come by on this earth. Which is why I'm so thankful for the One who loves me ALWAYS. Even if I've fallen so far and made so many mistakes. Even if I push Him away and try to stumble on on my own. Even in my selfishness, anger, and pride, He loves me. He loves me for me.

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation (sacrifice) for our sins. 1 John 4:10

These Are The Nights

Another sleepless night. Another night of tossing and turning. I sigh restlessly as I kick the covers off and roll over to check the time. With a groan the phone is set back down and the ceiling suddenly becomes immensely interesting. Funny how that works. It seems as though everything has been thought about, wondered about, and decided about. Yet still sleep won't come. It's not insomnia or anything, its just restlessness. The blinds are yanked open and a breathtaking scene of a wondrous wintry night comes into view. Pushing open the window a sharp, cold breeze hits my face and washes over my skin. I breath the night air in deeply as the cold seems to seep to my very core. Why is cold air so refreshing?? I'm not really sure why but it leaves me feeling suddenly revived and peaceful. I stick my head out the window as far as it will go and gaze up at the shimmering stars that grace the velvety, dark-blue sky. The bare, black tree branches sway slightly in the gentle wind that whooshes through the empty spaces. It's all so breathtakingly beautiful. And its something that I wish I could just stare at forever. The ever white snow glistens as the pale moonlight scatters shadows among gently creaking trees. There's nothing like a winter night to make the world seem magical. Grabbing my jacket from the end of my bed I push the window open further and sit down on the sill. I breathe in deeply, wishing I could just drink the air. I love these nights. The nights where you can take in a winter's night and feel as if you've suddenly entered another world. The nights where the beauty of creation takes your breath away. The nights where the stars suddenly remind you just how small we really are. The nights where the silence seems to fill you with pure joy. These are the nights I love best.

Sleddin' Time

Oh my goodness! It's gorgeous outside!!! No one has been out today due to the "catastrophic" winter storms today. They say we might even lose power. Honestly though that'd be pretty exciting. We've got plenty of blankets and a wood burning fire.....bring it on! The sleet/freezing rain has stopped and they're calling for snow. You can tell by looking at the sky that the snow is definitely coming. It's absolutely breathtaking! The hazy grey sky, ice glistening on the trees, and everything buried under a blanket of perfect white snow. Ahhhhh can I go outside now?? Tomorrow I really want to go ice sledding. Today I just kinda stayed home and enjoyed the snow day but tomorrow I plan on enjoying our winter wonderland! Night sledding is the best, just saying. I went last year with some of my friends and it was incredible! (minus the slight injuries of course). I wish we had two feet of snow like Chicago does....that'd be so cool. Oh well, I'll take what we get (: