Silently Speaking

I wish I was good with words. I have a hard time talking to people (especially in front of a group) because my mind goes blank and the words don't seem to come out right. So then I'm tripping, and stumbling over my words as my mind races for something to say. I can talk about random stuff, but when it comes to saying something I really want to say than I have a hard time putting it into words. That's why I love writing so much. The words seem to flow much smoother, and the fact that I'm not hearing the words out loud doesn't make it sound ridiculous. But then there are the times when I don't know how to say something. It's like I know I should, but I'm not sure when, and how it will come out. So in the end I just keep my mouth closed and keep quiet. But I don't want to be like that anymore. I really want to be able to say what's on my mind. Of course I'm not talking about sharing my life story or anything, I just want to be able to say what's important to me. Words are a powerful thing. They can destroy and they can build up. They can hurt and they can heal. I don't want to hurt anyone with my words, and that's one of the main reasons why I just say nothing at all. But I've also learned that a person can find out so much more by listening than talking. And lastly, it's because I don't know how to express myself without being too overbearing. I wonder, "Why would they want to know how I am?" But being silent is also my way of speaking. Whether it's letting someone know I'm listening, or that I'm not alright. If I'm especially quiet (and I mean really, really quiet) than that's kind of my way of saying "I'm not alright." This way of speaking doesn't always work though, and slowly but surely I'm changing. And little by little I'm finding ways of letting people know what's on my mind, and letting them know how I'm doing.

Ramblings

It's pouring rain again. And by pouring I really mean that it's coming crashing down, almost as if I were sleeping behind a waterfall. It's incredible soothing and incredibly thought-provoking. I don't know why, but for some reason I do some of my best thinking late, late at night. On a side note, did I mention how much I love to play piano when it rains? There's something about rain that makes the most ordinary things seem absolutely magical. But maybe that's just my strange imagination. Anyway, I feel like I've already talked about rain too much so we'll just move right on along. My Grandpa is here this week and so my family has had a couple late nights playing card games. It's been great fun for all of us, but especially for me. Tonight after my younger siblings went to bed it was just my grandpa, my parents, and me playing Skip Bo and really enjoyed it. Though I must admit that late nights and sugar, plus a lack of sleep puts me in a really weird mood, and I start singing off key, quoting random movies, and laughing at the slightest things. Not to mention there was vanilla ice cream and fresh strawberries to top it all off. Ahhhh good times(: I love being able to be my crazy self around my family. It's such a relief to be around those who accept you and all your zaniness and absurdities, and not only accept it but join in on the fun.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Suess.

Wait

We live in a society in which people don't want to wait for anything. They love the concept of "instant gratification." Honestly, we all enjoy getting something we want right when we want it. But with so much right at our fingertips, we forget that the best things in life are worth waiting for. This is something that the Lord has really been teaching me lately. I have been so often reminded to "Be still," and to wait on Him. Why is it that I think I know what's best? The truth is, I really don't know what's best for my life because I can't see the big picture. When I get frustrated with myself for not being able to control my life, God is gracious enough to pull me back and whisper, "Just wait my child, for I know the plans I have for you." It's so easy to want to do things in our own timing, and to not want to wait, But God is sovereign and His timing is perfect, it's always perfect. When we are asked to wait it's because the Lord is trying to teach us something. Something that we might miss if we were to just hurry along on our way. And in our waiting we will grow closer to the Lord, and learn to rest more fully in Him.
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He will strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

True Love

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Search your heart you know you can't deny it
Come on, lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave His only Son just to save us

The Earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt The Fathers broken heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

Now, Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Jesus is alive
Oh, He is alive
He rose again

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died

by:Phil Wickham

Liquid Sunshine

So, I'm sure everyone knows that it rained here yesterday. In fact, I can think of several words that described the rain yesterday like, "torrential," "downpour," "rushing," "driving," "plethora," and maybe even "monsoon." Besides the fact that is was extremely rainy day, it was also an extremely beautiful day. My favorite part was after the rain had faded away and the raindrops elegantly graced the plants and grass. The clouds hung over the sky in shades of gray, white, and blue-gray all throughout the day. But in the evening the curtain of clouds finally broke and sunshine absolutely poured through the sky and lit up the whole world below. The cool shades the rain had brought on were instantly warmed up by the golden rays of sun. The earth positively dazzled in the evening light and the sight was breathtaking. The sunlight caught the drops of water and it was almost like being caught inside a diamond as the beams of light scattered all around. It was in that evening light that I came to appreciate one of the nicknames for rain, and that would be "liquid sunshine." It was beyond gorgeous. All this rainy weather puts me in the mood for a poem! And I found a good one that I thought I'd share.

Rain

The rain falling softly upon her face,
Takes her to a magical place.
The rain falling softly in her hair,
Lets her soul float upon the air.
The rain touching her lips,
Give her the breath of life in little sips.
The rain falling softly from the sky,
Lets her know that heaven,
Is where good souls fly.
~Lamar

Rainy Daydreams

Mmmmm I love the sound of the rain. The trees swaying in the wind, the rain pattering against the rooftops, and the deep rumble of the thunder. It's so soothing. Some rainy days make me want to snuggle up with a cup of cocoa and a good mystery, but then some rainy days I want to go outside to dance in the rain and catch the raindrops on my tongue. Or then there's the rainy days where I just sit at the piano and play for hours. My family's black baby grand sits next to a large window that overlooks are "mini forest" out back. And when the rain falls, dripping onto the deck and slipping along the window, I could play for forever. A surge of immense happiness and contentment rushes through my body as I close my eyes and feel my fingers glide over the keys. In my mind's eye I can see the black and white, and in my heart I can feel the music pulsing through me as if it were alive. Words fail to describe how I feel when I play the piano. It's like suddenly there's a whole new world full of endless possibilities, stars waiting for me to reach out and touch them, and I fly away to where no one can catch me. Such are the joys of playing piano. It makes me think of the quote "Music says what words cannot."

Cooking up a Storm

I was rather productive this evening. I was home alone again and was in my "baking mode." I think the manga series I'm currently reading, Kitchen Princess, might have something to do with this sudden urge to bake. For dinner I whipped up some deluxe eggs with ham, different types of cheeses, and some salsa thrown in. Hashbrowns fried in oil, and a mango-peach smoothie went with this lovely looking dinner. After the dishes were cleared and the kitchen clean(ish) I set out to find something tasty to create. The result? Some yummy Japanese Shu Cream! Which are rather like cream puffs. Mmmmmm, delicious. They were slightly burned but other than that I think my family enjoyed them. Apparently they're thrilled with my new desire to bake and create all sorts of deliciousness. I'm hoping to go to the World Market so I can buy all sorts of foreign ingredients to cook with. I am so un-American sometimes. I love Mexican food, Korean music and dramas, Italian ice cream, Japanese anime, Irish accents, Australian fruit (mangoes!), Swiss chocolate, German cars (well actually, foreign cars in general), and the list goes on. But I'm too tired to think of more than this. Did I mention I love sleep??