Silently Speaking

I wish I was good with words. I have a hard time talking to people (especially in front of a group) because my mind goes blank and the words don't seem to come out right. So then I'm tripping, and stumbling over my words as my mind races for something to say. I can talk about random stuff, but when it comes to saying something I really want to say than I have a hard time putting it into words. That's why I love writing so much. The words seem to flow much smoother, and the fact that I'm not hearing the words out loud doesn't make it sound ridiculous. But then there are the times when I don't know how to say something. It's like I know I should, but I'm not sure when, and how it will come out. So in the end I just keep my mouth closed and keep quiet. But I don't want to be like that anymore. I really want to be able to say what's on my mind. Of course I'm not talking about sharing my life story or anything, I just want to be able to say what's important to me. Words are a powerful thing. They can destroy and they can build up. They can hurt and they can heal. I don't want to hurt anyone with my words, and that's one of the main reasons why I just say nothing at all. But I've also learned that a person can find out so much more by listening than talking. And lastly, it's because I don't know how to express myself without being too overbearing. I wonder, "Why would they want to know how I am?" But being silent is also my way of speaking. Whether it's letting someone know I'm listening, or that I'm not alright. If I'm especially quiet (and I mean really, really quiet) than that's kind of my way of saying "I'm not alright." This way of speaking doesn't always work though, and slowly but surely I'm changing. And little by little I'm finding ways of letting people know what's on my mind, and letting them know how I'm doing.