Surrender

Sometimes I get so caught up in life and all it's busyness, and before I know it my world has become nothing but a whirlwind. I find myself fighting to hang on, struggling to keep it together, and constantly pushing myself to stand when I feel like I can't go on any longer. As I try to pull myself together, I can feel myself falling apart at the seams. Unable to stand, I fall to my knees, and I find myself right where I need to be. It's in that place of brokenness and surrender that I finally find relief. “I can't do this own my own. I'm not strong enough.” I tell Jesus, my Savior. So ashamed of myself, the tears stream down my cheeks and my body begins to shake. Why? Why did I run for so long? Why did I keep pushing Him away again and again? Why do I try so hard to do this on my own?

These are questions that I still have a hard time answering, but I'm beginning to realize that it's because my greatest enemy is myself. I want so much to run to Jesus first, and to fully lean on Him. But I'm ashamed to say, that that's not often my response. All too often I try to do things my way; alone. I like to think that I'm strong and that I can do it. But I can't. The world likes to portray the lone heroes, and those who “stand alone.” My desire to be strong conflicts God's call to surrender head on. Though I've come to find that when I try to do things in my own strength, I can feel myself failing and losing strength. When I surrender, I find peace and rest in the arms of Jesus Christ. Surrender is a daily battle, but I'm finding out that it's one worth fighting for. 

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly  in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.    ~2 Corinthians 12:9~