Christmas Festivities

A very delinquent Merry Christmas to everyone!! I've been out of town, spending the holiday with my family, so I haven't been on the computer much. I hope everyone had as wonderful Christmas as I did. It was so nice to have that break from school and work, and just get to spend time with my siblings and cousins. Needless to say, we had a crazy good time. I'm the middle child in a big family, and I have a multitude of cousins. No joke. So I always love it when we're all together, a big happy bunch. There are certain pros and cons to being part of a big family. Some of the pros are inside jokes, being able to be silly together, always having someone around, and lots of good conversations. The cons would be, well, we're a pretty loud family (I still like it though), as well as cold showers. Goodness, if you weren't first in line for a shower then you usually ended up taking an ice bath. One day it was so bad I just stuck my head under the water and washed my hair super fast. Talk about cold! Ahh, but really, I do love this time of year. I love all the holiday coffees, like peppermint mocha's, and Starbucks has a super tasty Salted Caramel Mocha. So good! I'm like a coffee addict, I just love it so much. Break is great because I finally have the chance to drink more than one cup of coffee out of a REAL mug, and not some travel mug (; 

The food was great, the family was wonderful, the games were crazy, the nights were late, and there was much fun to be had. I think my favorite present were these super amazing Adidas track pants. Super comfy! Next to coffee, sweatpants just might be my next favorite thing. I love Christmas. I love the lights, the smells, the beautiful white snow, the bright stars at night, the crisp, cold air, and the happiness in the air. In the midst of the hustle and bustle, may none of us forget the real meaning of Christmas. That one night when Jesus, God's Son, was born in a manger in Bethlehem. Because Jesus came to this earth, we can have new life in Him. This song below really sums it up for me, and I can't listen to it enough. Merry Christmas to all, and may God bless us, everyone. 

Snowy Nights

It snowed tonight, and the scenery is breathtaking. It seems like so many people today don't seem to enjoy the beauty snow brings as it blankets a grey world in a brilliant white. For some reason I can't explain, I love watching the snow fall at night. When the world is wrapped in a midnight sky, the stars sparkle like diamonds up high, and the snow glistens and lights up the world, even in the dark. The cold air is refreshing and frigid at the same time, and I just want to drink it in. Christmas doesn't seem right without snow, and I'm looking forward to the possibility of actually having snow at Christmas this year! It just makes the season all the more magical. I can see my neighbors tree glistening in their window behind me, and the lights on their porch are still twinkling from across the way. Those Christmas lights, keep shining on. There's so much bustle and flurry of things that go on this time of year, I hope each and everyone of you get to spend it with someone special. May your days be very merry, and very bright. I wish the best for everyone as Christmas is a time to remember, to be kind, and to cherish the love and joy that came that first Christmas night. Good night and sweet dreams, wherever you may be. 

And just believe. 

Finals woes

Ah man. Finals. It's a crazed caffeinated week that turns students into borderline zombies. I realize that this does depend on where you're at in school, and what your major is, but it's still always overwhelming. My only regret about the past finals, weren't about the finals at all actually. I didn't go talk to the guy I liked. Isn't that terrible? The whole semester we just smiled at each other, said a few words, but it wasn't till the last two weeks that we actually had a real conversation. I've gotten to the point where I can really talk to almost anybody. But when it comes to talking to a guy I like, suddenly I'm terrified. I'm afraid he won't like me, and I don't want to get my hopes up. Is that pathetic? Too bad I always think about these things after the last day of class......maybe I'll see him again. On a brighter note, I found this incredible song yesterday! I liked the song from the beginning, but when he hits those notes in the chorus, oooh, I got chills. Well, back to studying, guys. I hope you enjoy the song(:

Good stuff

Okay, kids. (One of my bad habits is calling everyone kid). Some of my favorite songs from highschool that have never gotten old.


Classic.



Never gets old.



I loved Superchick.


Aaand another one from them.


Mmm yes.



Ahhhh SO good.


Last one for tonight(:

Keys and Boxes

With every song comes a flood of memories. Like bits of photo scraps in your mind, the song makes you recollect them again with fondness and sadness. The memories are held within the notes of the song and in the melody you can hear your hopes and dreams. Closing my eyes I can almost taste the sights and sounds I hold so near and dear. The song is the key to a box that had been forgotten, turn up the song and open the box, for the memories are sweet, even though some might be tinged with a certain sadness you can't forget. 





This song is one of the many keys in my life.

Thanksgiving thoughts

First off, I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving! I know I did. It was sort of a low key day with my sisters coming home, and some friends over. We truly ate too much food, but it was all just so delicious! We drank apple cider, played cards, chatted a ton, and just caught up on each other's lives. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful sisters. Sadly though, one of my sisters couldn't make it up this year, and it left a bit of a hole in my heart because out of all my sisters, her and I were always the closest. She was most definitely with me in spirit though, and I hope to see her again soon! I braved Black Friday with my mom and my sisters, and we even grabbed breakfast at Panera, which was super tasty! Love that place. Turns out we weren't the only ones with that bright idea, so it was a little busy in there, but I enjoyed the hustle and bustle of people talking and laughing. 

We didn't go out super early on Friday, but I'm thinking next year I might have to just go at midnight, shop till whenever, and then go home and sleeeeeep. But I enjoy getting up early to go shopping, and, well, to also get breakfast. I guess I shall have to wait and see. Now Christmastime is upon us, and suddenly I realize how much Christmas shopping I still need to do. I do enjoy all this craziness though. I just don't know where this year went, though! Only 3 weeks left in this semester and then I'm free. For a couple more weeks anyways, and I'm actually pretty psyched about next semesters classes because they have more to do with my major. Which is always a plus. 

It's funny. I started to write this post because of the band Sigur Ros, but I suddenly realized that with all the baking and family coming and going, I hadn't written about Thanksgiving yet! I hope everyone truly had a great day this Thanksgiving. I have been so, so blessed! I'm truly thankful for all that the Lord has provided me, and I know that whether He gives or takes away, blessed be His name. Even amid my family, friends, house, food, warmth, fresh water, transportation, education, my greatest blessing is being a child of the King.  I live because He died for me, and knowing Jesus Christ, the Son of God is truly the greatest blessing in my life! I'm not who I used to be, and it's all because of Him. 

I can't help but think of the song in White Christmas, "I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings." May you count your blessings tonight, and may I do the same! 

A Climber's Goal

The thing about climbing is that it involves a lot of upward battles, not looking down, stumbling from time to time, sometimes even falling, but you keep going anyway, knowing that the top isn't much farther away. There's struggle and perseverance; anguish and hope. One thing the climber has to remember is to always keep his eyes on the finish. I love to go rock climbing, but when I first started out, I remember how terrified I was. The first time I climbed, we were on a family vacation and I had been so psyched to rock climb because I knew I loved climbing trees, so how hard could it be, right? Truth is, I got about halfway up, looked down, and froze up. I was so scared I couldn't even move. I clung to the wall and shut my eyes tight. 

The instructor on top of the wall tried to encourage me to keep going. "You're almost there." He told me. But it didn't do me any good. It wasn't until I heard my dad's voice that I finally opened my eyes. "It's going to be okay." He said. "I know you can do this. Just keep going." At his reassurance, I took a deep breath and looked upward again. "Lean out from the wall." He instructed. Slowly, I leaned out and realized that I could move more easily like that. I reached up to grab a hold of the next rock, and the next, and the next, until finally I reached the top. I had done it. Not to mention, I've continued to rock climb, and enjoy it, ever since.

That's what being a Christian is like.  The upward battles are fighting against my old nature, and seeking to do God's will instead of my own. The not looking down, would be not living in the past and not looking back at the mistakes I've made, my shortcomings, and my faults. I stumble, trying to do the right thing, but not always succeeding. And falling would be me falling away from the Lord, for not putting my trust in Him, and trying to do things in my own strength. I can't help but think of the line from one of Tenth Avenue North's new songs. It goes, "Hallelujah, we are free to struggle. We're not struggling to be free." It's through my struggles and my trials, that I learn to be more like Jesus. 

It's in the hard times that I go through, that I am able to shine brightest for my Savior. People are watching. They want to see how I react to certain situations and how I handle certain things. I know I'm far from perfect and sometimes I feel like giving up. It's times like these that I freeze up and "cling to the wall." And it is my Heavenly Father's voice that encourages me, and enables me to keep climbing. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). I want others to see Christ in my life. I want them to know how much He means to me, and all that He has done for me. I would be lost without Him. Therefore I press on, to fight the good fight! "Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith." (Hebrews 12:2) Just like the top of the mountain is a climber's goal, so is Jesus Christ my goal. To see Him in Heaven one day, and to hear Him say "Well done, my good and faithful servant." That means more to me than anything. I just hope I can be the light and the witness He knows I can be. 

Little Things

Now this, is a good one.




P.S. The lyrics say it all.

The Girl

Borrowed from a friend(:

"I'm the girl who will persist in her path,
I'm the girl who will make you laugh.
I'm the girl who strives to be open,
I'm the girl who's been heartbroken.

I'm the girl who's been on her own
And I'm the girl who's felt all alone.
I'm the girl who holds your hand,
And I'm the girl who wants you to stand up and be a man.

I'm the girl who tries to make things better.
I'm the girl who's the dorkiest person ever.
I'm the girl who's lost more than she's won,
I'm the girl who's turned but never spun.

I'm the girl you couldn't see.
I'm that girl.
And that girl is me."

     I couldn't help but smile as I read this poem, for every line rang true for myself. I'm sure we could each add a line of our own as the poem could go on and on. Yet in spite of hurt and loneliness, I am never truly alone because I have a friend that sticks closer than a brother. What an incredible thing it is to know that the God of the universe sees me even when I feel invisible. Nothing I do escapes His notice, and He cares for me. Even when it hurts, even when it's hard, I know I can run to Him because He is the Lover of my soul, and the Healer of my scars. 

Good student

Is it okay to not be perfect? I realize that no one is perfect, and yet the world still demands perfection from us. Even the most perfect person on the outside could be falling apart on the inside. Its a tough role to play, and a heavy burden to bear. For me, I want to have perfect grades. No one in my family has told me I need to be a straight A student, and yet I find myself constantly striving for those A's. Honestly, I stress over my grades more than my family or friends. I see having good grades part of being a good witness for my Savior. That's true, but when I blow it out of proportion like that it doesn't do me any good. The Lord knows we won't all get A's and He won't hold it against us. It is important to be a good student, but you can be a good student without having all A's. It's okay! A perfect person would be so boring anyways ;)

100 times

Scrolling through itunes, I suddenly realized that this is my most played song. It's basically played 100 times more than my second most played song. I love the lyrics, and this song never ceases to remind me that God is strong enough, and even when I'm at the end of my rope, He can hold me together. I'm never too far away for Him to reach me. And for that I am so incredibly, tremendously thankful.

Forgotten Words

I never wanted anyone to see what I had written. I still hate going back and rereading my papers, even though all my professors tell me to, and when the paper is graded and given back to me, I put it in a drawer, refusing to look at anything but the grade. I was always afraid of what they would say, afraid they wouldn't like what I had written, and I knew that if they didn't like what I had written, I would be too ashamed to write again. That's why I like this blog so much. I can write whatever and no one knows it's me. But while finishing up homework, and finding just one more thing to do on the computer, I saw my sister had tagged me in a note on Facebook.  As soon as I had started reading it, I couldn't help the tears that streamed down my face. She had found an old paper of mine, and thinking it was hers, she started to read it. It was written about someone we both dearly loved, and lost. I couldn't stop crying as my sister shared her memories, and I'm still shaking. And then she thanked me, thanked me! for writing that paper, that I thought had been all but forgotten. To think that my words could have so much meaning, to evict such powerful memories that had been waiting to be set free. I'm so grateful, and I feel so unworthy, for in the memories she had written I could feel my own words fade in comparison. I know words are powerful, but I never thought my words could ever carry so much weight. I wrote that paper almost two years ago......but now I'm wondering, maybe, maybe I could reread my old paper, and remember what should never have been forgotten in the first place.

Just Tired

"I'm tired, pop. The kind of tired you can't sleep off."

That quote really got to me today. I feel like this last month has been really rough, and I'm just so worn out. It's like being a swimmer caught in the undertow, and I'm fighting to get a breath of air. But by God's grace, I'm pressing on, for I know that His strength IS sufficient for me.

Up too late

I don't know if it's the fact that it's almost two in the morning, or it's just because I'm so exhausted, but I am seriously bawling my eyes out over an anime series right now. I have honestly never cried like this for anime, but this show is seriously sweet and so sad. It's called Clannad, and one of my best friends introduced it to me. Let me tell you, I've only gotten through the first ten episodes and I'm dying over here. With work early in the morning, I should be sleeping, but I made the mistake of going for a run around midnight, and I'm kind of wired right now, but I'm sure to crash sooner or later. I'm a night owl anyways, though, I love being up at night, and running outside at night. But this is when I wish there was someone around to shut off the power and make me go to bed or something. "Just one more episode," I tell myself. So here I am, sprawled on the floor, shivering, because I can't find my jacket, and yet I still keep going. So excuse me while I go find my jacket and the box of tissues.....

P.S. I'll let you know how the rest of the night turns out, maybe, come daylight!

P.P.S.
I don't know why, but this song makes me happy.

I will wait

Waiting isn't easy. No matter how many times we have to wait, it is never any easier than it was the last time.  We find ourselves waiting a lot. Waiting to see if the paycheck comes in, waiting in lines, waiting to hear what the doctor says, waiting for the right time to say/do something, and the list goes on. We like to get things when we want them, and that usually consists of "right now." We want to be satisfied immediately, but usually it is far better to wait. Waiting helps us to grow, and, especially when shopping is involved, helps us see if we really want it or not. My dad likes to tell a story about what his father used to tell him when he was little. His father, my grandfather, used to say "Whenever you asked for something, we weren't just saying no, but we were waiting to see if you really wanted it, depending on whether or not you asked for it more than once." That's good wisdom right there. There's a verse in Romans 8 that people are familiar with, but most people only know the first part, "And we know that all things work together for good." and the verse continues "to them that love God, and to those who are called according to His purpose,"  Romans 8:28. Paul is encouraging the believers that even though they might be going through some hard times, the storm won't last forever because all things work together for good. Not just some things, not just the little things, but ALL things. It's always nice to know that the waiting won't last forever! There's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I will wait.

P.S. Borrowing the Mumford and Sons title, I thought I might as well share the song.

Finally Fall

Hey guys! It's finally fall! October is here, and with it comes so many wonderful fall things. It's time for bonfires, cozy sweaters, boots, scarves, toasted marshmellows  apple crisp, apple cider, crunchy leaves, vibrant colors, crisp air, clear blue skies, hayrides, over-sized hoodies, fleece blankets, football games, pumpkin pie, corn mazes, candy corn, carmel corn, homemade chex mix, and so much more! Honestly, my list could go on and on and on. There's just so much to love about autumn and all that comes with it. So, here's to a happy fall!

P.S. I realize this song came out a couple years ago, but I just really, really like it ^_^

Suddenly

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder where time has gone. I can't believe how everything is the same one day, and then the next you look around and find everything has changed. Change is a good thing, but I can't get over how quickly it seems to happen. Sometimes I wish I could stop time because I just want to hold on to this moment forever, and I don't want to let it go. "Wait, just one more minute," I tell myself. "Don't be so anxious to grow up." We tend to wish away our time, and then suddenly we find ourselves trying to hang on to it tightly, wanting to bring it back. It's something we all have to learn, really, to enjoy the time that has been given to us, and to not waste it. Life moves fast enough already without us wishing it away.  As I get older I catch myself thinking about moving out, leaving the state, maybe even the country, and part of it terrifies me and I wish I could be a little kid again without all the responsibility. And at the same time I enjoy being responsible, driving around town, going places with my friends, attending college, it's almost crazy but I really like it. It's like when you're a little kid, riding in the backseat, and you could fall asleep driving home at night, because you knew your dad was driving, and he could get you there safely. You could rest knowing that your parents knew the way. Suddenly you're the one driving the car at night and you're responsible for getting your passengers safely home. No more falling asleep in the backseat.

 Please don't take your life for granted.You are precious and valuable. God sent Jesus Christ, His only Son, to die on the cross so that you and I could live. 

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that WHOSOEVER believes in Him should NOT perish, but have everlasting life.  ~John 3:16

So they said, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved"  ~Acts 16:31

That Time

It's that time again. That time where I smother everyone with my latest music favorites! These post are always way too much fun. Now, I have always liked the indie genre, but I find myself liking more and more of it (not to jump on board the hipster bandwagon). Here's a bit of a list I've been working on, and realize that not all of them are indie. Enjoy! 

Well, I'm thoroughly impressed.

Cool video. Cool song.

Oh hey, ho hey.

The eyes have it.

Forever a favorite.  

A bit of melancholy.

One of their lesser known.  

Songs like this, I almost want to be blonde.

Yay bonus tracks. 

I seriously love his voice. 

And to top it all off, another absolutely beautiful piece by Adam Young, and I think my favorite new one of his. (Though I say that about almost all of his songs). Oh well (:

Living the Unknown

There are two worlds out there: Known and the Unknown. The Known is our place of safety, our comfort zone, it's where we live our normal lives and stick to our normal routine. The Unknown is a place of dangers, adventure, uncertainty, fear, new things, trial and error, the excitement of being different, and the fear of being mocked. Living in the Known is obviously the most comfortable, but if we didn't venture out we wouldn't know what we were capable of. The Known keeps you wishing and dreaming, the Unknown opens up the door to make those wishes and dreams reality.

No one likes to be rejected. We all want to feel needed; to be missed when we're gone, but if we worry about what other people think of us, then we will never do anything. Fear is a powerful master, and if we let it, it can control everything we do or say. Honestly though, what is there to be afraid of? Who cares if they laugh, for we will have been the adventurous ones, the ones who dared to be different.  Normal is overrated anyways.  I mean, think about what would happen if we took risks, if we laughed in the face of our critics, and if we really were different.

For me, I tend to so quickly try and blend it. I put on a mask and hope that others will accept me, but I've come to see that's not the way my Savior intended for me to live. He gently reminds me that as a Christian, I will be different, and I won't live like the world around me, not because I'm perfect or anything, but because I have been made new, and now I desire to live a life that's pleasing to my Lord and Savior. All too often I forget this, and I hastily attempt to put that mask on my face once again. Sometimes I'll stand against the wall, unwilling to give up the security the wall behind gives me, yet the Lord shows me what could be, and I long to change and be different. I want to give up my mask and the facade I hide behind. No longer do I wish to lie and to bury my thoughts and feelings. I want to be open and honest and real. 

The Unknown can be a scary place, but it's where I would rather be.

College life

It's funny, as a college student you start to think you know a lot of stuff, and that you have most everything figured out. Come to find out, I really don't. I feel like every semester there is something new that's thrown at me, and I actually start realizing how much I don't know. But that's why I'm there: to learn, and to grow. Just because I made it through freshman year doesn't mean I'm going to know everything. The professors are different, the materials are different, and, to be honest, things get harder. What's weird about this semester, is I am actually more nervous than the previous ones. Hmm. Go figure. I guess I can't help but thinking, will I be good enough? When I started out, sure, I was uncertain, but I also felt kind of invincible. I had made it to college, and it was exciting. Now that I've been through things though, I have seen that it can be tough, and it definitely requires physical and mental strength. A couple times I thought my papers might push me over the edge, but I see that those papers were nothing compared to some I will have this semester. I'm not trying to scare anybody away from college. By all means, go for it! You won't regret it. Just keep your head held high, and your chin up. Don't let anyone discourage you. College is another part of life, full of ups and downs. There will be mean professors, nice professors, new friends, hard homework, and new memories.

So I thought I had posted this already, but looking back, I guess not. Oh well. Here it is now.

Here I Am Alive

I realize we all go through periods of time where we are completely obsessed with this one song, and so we play it over and over and over and over and, well, over again. When you do that though, you sometimes end up getting sick of the song. That being said, my new favorite song is off of Yellowcard's new album and it is amazing. I seriously listened to Here I Am Alive so much, and liked it so much, that I just bought the album today! I just thought I'd share it with everybody since it's pretty much amazing. It's the perfect song for driving along in 70 degree weather, windows down, skinny jeans, and your arm out the window.

Open air evenings

It's starting to rain here. The air is moist and the raindrops patter against the leaves outside my window. I can still hear the crickets chirping their little hearts out, and the air smells clean. It's a beautiful night. There are few things I like more, than spending the night with my windows open, my music playing, and only a little bit of light. I especially enjoy having the windows open now that the temperatures have gone down. And it has rained! The air smells so fresh and clean. Mmmmm, truly one of my favorite things. During late nights like this, I usually end up listening to all kinds of foreign music. Artists like Sigur Ros, Nobuo Uematsu, Yann Perreau, Coeur De Pirate, and, well, the list goes on. Here are a few of my favorites this evening.

I love the piano in this.


One of my most favorite artists to listen to at night.


He has a beautiful voice.


Yes. I like gaming music.


It's not foreign, but absolutely beautiful nonetheless!

Forgetting

With the summer being so hot this year, I haven't been running as much as I should. It's so easy to put it off and think, "Oh, I'll do it later." But so often that "later" never happens, and soon I have gone two weeks without running. Sad, I know. Tonight I couldn't help but think that my physical running compares to how I'm running spiritual. I've been working a lot, yet the days seem to drag, and to be honest I haven't been close in my walk with the Lord. I haven't been in the Word, and I can feel it. Just like the ground, parched with drought, eagerly drinks up the fresh rain, so is my dry heart when I encounter the Bible. The Word of God is like water for my thirsty soul, and still I find myself spiritually dehydrating myself. I tell myself I read the Bible "later" and like my running, later doesn't happen, and before I know it, two weeks have gone by. There's a verse in Jeremiah that goes like this,

 "My people have committed two evils; they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn for themselves cisterns--broken cisterns that hold no water." --Jeremiah 2:13

I am those people. I pursue the things that can't satisfy me, and abandon the Living Water. It frustrates me that I do this time and time again, and I tell myself "Why can't you remember?". I am so incredibly thankful that the Lord knows my shortcomings, and He is ever gracious if I confess my sin. Again I am left in awe that the Lord would be merciful to me, a sinner. 

To go along with my running note, I recently watched Chariots of Fire. I love that movie! I wrote down several quotes that challenge and inspire me in my physical and spiritual running, and I thought I would share them (:

"When I run, I feel His pleasure."

"Run for God, and watch the world stand back and wonder."

"You can't put in what God has left out."

"Where does the power come from, to see the race to the end? It comes from within."

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." --Isaiah 40:28-31

Another Cover

I already really liked this song, and then I found this cover. I think his voice fits perfectly with it, and he does such a good job!

Wishful thinking

One of my best friends recently requested to get my birthday list from me super early, and so now I'm scrolling the web, and finding all sorts of fun things!

Oh yes. It has a hood.

I just think he's  cute....

How comfy.

I would wear this every day.

Too adorable!

Genius idea.

Loving the length!

I am in love with this color!

A photographer must have.


Okay, well that's it for now! Most of this is wishful thinking, but I wouldn't mind owning them some day. Anyways, here's a song for your evening (:

The real world

I apologize for being a bit of a delinquent on writing lately. I just got back from a long weekend with the family on the coast, and it was amazing! And very much needed too. We had lazy days on the beach, late nights watching the Olympics in our hotel room, and even some hiking and small town shopping. I always appreciate taking a little break from reality, but now it's time to head back into the real world.

And speaking of the real world.....


On another note, I find the ocean to be an absolutely beautiful thing. I can't help but be amazed at the power and incredible design that God displays in his creation. Here's one of my favorite views of the weekend. Every time I look at it I can't help but think, "I want to go back!"

Running the race

I want more in life than this world has to offer. I see the Olympians receive their medals and honor as most of the world watches in awe, and I know that there is something far better than that. Life is a race of it's own, but it's a marathon and not a sprint. It's not something that can be done in so many minutes flat, but it's something that takes time, patience, and endurance. The gold medalists receive a crown, but it won't last forever. I run this race of life for Christ. He is the finish line, Heaven is the ultimate goal, and instead of keeping my crowns for myself, I will happily cast them at the feet of Jesus, because if it wasn't for Him, I would be lost. In Him, I have eternal life. In the Bible, Paul talks so much about "running the race" and "fight the good fight." There's a battle between good and evil that rages on this world, and even though we can't always see it, it's going on as I write this. In the hearts and minds of all mankind, on desert plains, and in thick, humid jungles. I don't want to be satisfied by what the world has to offer, but rather I long to realize fully that Jesus truly is the only one who can satisfy my thirst. I need to know Him more. While the runners of a marathon have the finish line to look forward to, we have a different focus. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  --Hebrews 12:1-2--

So there is it. I have a race to run, and an end to look forward to. Jesus is the author and finisher of my faith, and I run for Him. My greatest desire is to hear, when I finish my race, those words "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Motivation

I would just like to say that the Olympics inspire, motivate, and intimidate me. They inspire me to work harder, they motivate me to do better, and they intimidate me in that the athletes in the Olympics are absolutely incredible. Some of the things they can do blows my mind! The pommel horse? That's crazy. All the upper body and ab strength that goes into that is unbelievable. And then there was the lone Irish gymnast! I was so happy he made it to the Olympics. I can't imagine the pressure they must have being in the Olympics. I wish everyone the best as they compete! So if you don't mind me, I'm going to go for a run before I watch some more Olympics. Being motivated and intimidated at the same time here!

Let the games begin

What a beautiful day! It's pouring rain and I'm inside watching all the Olympic pomp and circumstance. I'm really looking forward to the games! I have a hard time picking a favorite, but I love to watch the gymnastics and the sand volleyball. Lately I've been asking my patients if they prefer the summer Olympics or the winter ones. It's such a hard choice! Most opt for the summer Olympics, but I personally love the winter ones. With all the snowboarding, ice skating, skiing, bobsledding, and all the beautiful snow. But I thoroughly enjoy the summer ones, too, of course (:

I've been having a little trouble with my Youtube lately, but I have fallen in love with two songs by Florence + The Machine:  Cosmic Love, and Dog Days Are Over.

Enjoy the Olympics everyone! And let the games begin!

We all have favorites

We all have that one item of clothing that we know we can always fall back on, and it doesn't matter who you are. For some, maybe it's a cute sundress, or our favorite pair of jeans, maybe even our most comfortable t-shirt. It's that one thing that we wear again and again, and we probably should have gotten two or even three of it because we wear it so much. In the warmer weather, I always go back to my favorite black v-neck tee. I can wear it again and again with khakis, denim shorts, or even my Nike shorts. It's something I can dress up for work, or dress it down and wear it to a concert. I feel like everyone should have a go-to v-neck because they go with absolutely everything! In the fall though, I always go for my favorite skinny jeans. I can wear them with boots, Converse, Sperry's, hoodies or a really fun top. What about you? What's your go-to piece of clothing?

A couple of my favorite go-to's:

Classic style. 

 If you're into grey.

There's just something about stripes.

Messy buns, for the win.   

Dear Fall, please hurry

So today while I was out running errands, I came across an infinity scarf that was on sale for only $9, and, well, needless to say, I bought it. I realize that it's still over a hundred degrees outside, but maybe by buying fall things, the season and the cooler weather will come faster! I'm enjoying listening to the thunder rumbling right now, hopefully the rain will cool things down. It's so hot! London has been getting tons of rain, and it would be lovely if they could just send it our way. With all this stormy weather, I think a cup of coffee is in order.

And speaking of scarves.

What a perfect summer treat!

Out of my hands

After several failed attempts to put my tangled feelings into words, I gave up. The lyrics in this song pretty well piece together what I can't put into words.

All the time

I worry too much, really, it's not good. I get so caught up in thinking that I need to be in control of my life, and that I need to know exactly when things are going to happen; why they're going to happen; and what I should be doing about it. It's things like these that sometimes plague me at night because I can't shut off my brain. Today I was worrying about money, and how I was going to buy a car, and how I was also going to pay for this fall semester at school.

After fretting about it for quite some time, I was gently reminded that God is sovereign, and He is in control. Even though I might think my life is spinning out of control, He is holding it all in His hands. And He has a plan for me. I don't need to always know what's going to happen or what I'm going to do, but rather I just need to trust in Him and rest in His promises that He will take care of me. Not even a sparrow falls to the ground without God knowing about it (Matthew 10:29).

I know that He holds the future, and I can face tomorrow because of Him. I have this hope because several years ago, I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior. Maybe you haven't, but it's not too late! As one of my friends has said, “Why not give Him a try? He will never fail you.” I honestly couldn't have said it better myself.

Going along with what I said about worrying, I love listening to this song and just remembering that God is good ALL the time. Even when there is nothing good in me. And I can fully trust in Him.

Realizing

So today one of my friends shared with me this post, and I have to say, it was incredibly convicting for me. I know that I've kind of skirted around the edges of this topic, but I have never addressed it head on. Causing me to realize, I'm still hiding. I'm still afraid. The worst part is even though I came to this realization, part of me is content to hide, and yet I'm not okay with it. Today is the day for change. Not tomorrow, or the day after, but the time is now. Going along with the post about Worth Dying For, this post really hit home with me. It takes a transparent person to share the truth, and I'd like to be transparent like that. As always, it will be a challenge, but it will be one I know the Lord can help me through. For without Him, I would be nothing. 

The Heavier Things

"A wave of superficiality has swept over believers.
There is a heaviness in my heart.
We don’t want to talk about the heavier things, the important matters, the topics with substance anymore.
Why is it that it’s so easy, and even preferred, to talk about the latest celebrity news, but so difficult to talk about our spiritual lives?
I no longer want to talk about who did this and who did that; I want to talk about your heart.
I want to know how you’ve been doing, what’s been bothering you, and how I can pray for you.
I want to know how I can love you.
I no longer want to stand at the doorstep of superficial friendship.
For what gain do we, as saints, have conversing about unedifying topics?
We are on a mission to grow in love and to spread love. To disciple and be discipled.
Brothers and sisters, let us not refrain from speaking about the heavier things.
For in the end, those are the matters that will hold.
It may be uncomfortable. And we are inherently geared to shy away from such topics.
But God wants you to grow and that entails coming face to face with the depths of your very heart.
I promise you, the latest gossip will hold no significance when you are standing in front of God’s throne. I promise."
“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”
— Col. 3:1-2

(The original URL:  http://welooktoyahweh.tumblr.com/post/26915484765/the-heavier-things )

Road tripping

Lately I've been in the mood to travel. It's probably because of all the heat, and lack of rain we're having here. I'm ready to pack up and road trip to the mountains, or closer to the coast to find some cool waves. Growing up, my family always traveled a lot, and I'm pretty certain that's why I love to travel as much as I do. Our relatives were spread out all over the place, so I'm used to the longer car trips. For me, eight hours is nothing, five hours is short, and it takes eighteen hours for me to think of it as a "big trip." Needless to say, I could happily spend much of my time in the car. What's funny is I never read or played games, I just wanted my walkman (does anyone remember the walkman?) and a window seat and I was one happy little girl. Then as I got older, I progressed from the walkman, to a CD player, to an mp3 player, and than, finally, a little iPod shuffle. Now I'm more often the driver than the passenger, but road trips are still always a fun event for me!
Right now, Fiji is calling my name! I have never been before, but I have a friend who is going and I told him to bring back plenty of photos!

Doesn't this place look gorgeous? (:

Worth Dying For

This gets me every time. My favorite line? "The hands that held the stars, were now sentenced to wear my scars."  (Isaiah 53:5) This is a cry to those who do not yet know the Lord Jesus Christ. And it is a call to those who do believe, and are saved, to live, and give our all for Christ.





 

I tell myself that I need to live differently. I tell myself that I'm not supposed to fit in, and that I need to be living all out for Christ. And yet, I'm ashamed to say, that so often I try to blend in with everyone else. That is not what I have been called to do. Jesus left His throne, His glory, and His kingdom to come down to earth to purchase this traitor's heart. Time is running out, and the way things are going in this world, I honestly don't think I'll be here much longer. It's now or never, so what am I waiting for? My mission on this earth is clear, and it is the one my Savior sent me on: to reach out to the lost, hurting souls. We are all sinners. We have all fallen short. Every single one of us, including me, deserves the wrath of God. Yet in His love, mercy, and grace, God offers us a second chance. His forgiveness is not a blanket that covers this earth, but it it something that we have to choose to accept. By accepting His forgiveness, we have to realize that we are sinners, and there is nothing we can do to save ourselves, but we have to trust in Jesus as our Savior. Why anyone would turn away from the love of God is beyond me, but it is because they don't want to have someone in authority over them. They want to rule their own lives, but we are a fallen people, and what we try to do in our own strength will never last. We needed someone stronger to save us, someone with power over sin and death and hell. And indeed He did come. He left behind royalty to put on humanity. Please, I beg every single one, this is too important to pass by. Please, oh please, don't put this off. There is one who is willing to save you, if only you choose to accept Him. You're not abandoned. You're not alone.

Old memories

So I was cleaning up my place today, and came across my "writing box," and oh did that bring back memories. I couldn't believe how many scraps and sheets of paper were in there, and not only that, but the several different notebooks I filled up over the years. It's crazy! Here's a couple things of mine that I "rediscovered." I even came across some adoption papers my best friend and I had made up when we were in middle school. We were positive we should have been from the same family! Oh, so many old memories.

(Part of an old song....I haven't found the other part yet.)

I always was the one who'd rather hide away then face the world.

I never thought that I could be, just be the real me.

I wanted to fit in, to belong. But that meant I had to play along.

And the part I was playing wasn't who I wanted to be.

It started out all right, but I knew it wouldn't work.

I knew I couldn't pretend to be who I'm not.

I was tired of playing the game, but I couldn't get away.

It kept pulling me back, no matter how hard I fought.

And then a few short poems:

"She sits all alone.

No one seems to notice,

the sadness in her eyes.

But she hides it so well, 

behind that mask of hers.

Hoping, wishing, dreaming,

if only someone could see."

"Clouds hang gray in the sky.

All your tears have run dry.

On your face is a smile,

but you're faking it all the while."

"Undecided. A fork in the path;

               right or left?

Unsure. Questions fill your mind;

              which way?

Until. A choice is yours;

        what will you choose?" 

I really struggled with the whole aspect of wanting to "fit in," and I have learned so much these past few years. I wish I could go back and tell myself that it's not important. Everyday I've been learning that as a Christian, I'm not supposed to fit in. This world is not my home, and I want to live in such a way that everything I say and do, points to Christ and His great love. So, to end this post, I found another song I had written, and it looks like I was finally learning.

"I'm tired of who I've been. I don't want to be like that anymore

I'm tired of pretending, and I'm ready to let go.

Watch me go, you can't keep me down. Watch me fly, don't hold me back.

I'm finally free, my wings are released, and now I fly away. 

I'd rather be myself, than pretend to be someone else.

I don't care what they might think, it doesn't matter any more.

No more pretending. I'm walking out the door. 

Watch me go, you can't keep me down. Watch me leave, it's over now.

I'm finally free, my wings released, and at last I fly away."

Have a goodnight, everyone!

Always a good time

Alright, needless to say I'm am super incredibly excited for the rest of this album to come out. The song has shot to #3 on the charts, and it's a ton of fun to blast on the radio on these gorgeous summer days. I realize I have shared quite a bit of music lately, but honestly, it's so much fun. Kind of a side note, I heard a cover of this song the other day and it was good, but I'm obviously biased and no one can sing like Adam Young. His voice kind of makes the song. Well, and Carly's. Enjoy!

Honestly

New favorite song.



The lyrics honestly express what my thoughts and feelings have been lately. It's music like this that brings hope in the darkness. For me, it's always nice to know that someone else is going through the same struggles I'm going though. It's always nice to know that I'm not alone.

Stand strong

 "Hold on when everything is shaking. Stand strong when the ground is falling through."

Though at first glance this line might seem like we have to stand in our own strength. But as the song goes on we find out that it's only because God is there that we have the strength to go on. It's not my strength, but His. Because I have been saved; because I know that the Lord Jesus died for me and paid the price of my sin, and rose again; because I know that it's because of what Jesus did on the cross that I am now I child of God, that I keep going. When the nights seem so long and lonely, and I don't know if I can go another step, it is His love that I cling to. It is the love of God that causes me to smile even on my hardest days or darkest nights. Without Him, I am nothing.

Merely a facade

So last night was, well, not exactly the best night I have ever had. I couldn't stop tossing and turning, wishing that I could just shut my brain off and sleep. There was a lot on my mind, and a lot I was worrying about. And suddenly this question popped into my head: Why is it so hard for us to voice our doubts and fears? Even as I asked that question though, I realized I already knew the answer to it. I know why it's so hard. We do it because we don't want others to know what's going on inside. We won't want them to know that we don't really have it all together. It's merely a facade, as we put on our own parade, unwilling to let anyone see behind this masquerade. Even now I can think of so many things I haven't told anyone. No, they're not exactly deep, dark secrets (though there are one or two of those), but they're definitely feelings and thoughts that I have never expressed out loud to anyone. Sometimes the words will be on the tip of my tongue, but something always holds me back. I'm afraid of what it will sound like when I say it out loud, and I can almost hear the words laughing at me in my head. This masquerade is a game we all play, but really, who are we fooling?

Grace

A little something that's been on my mind lately: the grace of God. It's so hard for me to wrap my head around sometimes, and I can't help but be in awe of what God's grace means for me. For me personally, it's so easy to get caught up in thinking that I have to "work harder, live better, be more good," to earn His grace. But that's the beautiful thing. God's grace is not something we earn, but it's something that is waiting to be freely given to us. Though His grace is free and neverending, we have to first choose to accept it. To accept it, we have to come to the point where we realize that we truly are sinners, and there is absolutely NOTHING that we could ever do to get ourselves into Heaven. It is through Jesus Christ, God's Son, and only through Him that we can come to God. Like the verse in Hebrews 2:9 "But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone."
What a beautiful verse. For us, the grace of God means life! But for the Lord Jesus it meant death. Like I said before, it's something I cannot fathom. To think that God would send His Son to die my death for me.

Covers

Alright, so I figured this was bound to happen sooner or later, and I thought "Why not sooner?" This post is all about covers. Covers of songs that I love. Amazing covers of songs that I love. (Get the point yet?). So here are quite a few of my absolute favorites.

I already really loved this song. Best cover of it I've heard so far.



So Beautiful.


This gives me chills.


Mmmm yes.


So good. So very, very good.
 

Because acapella is just so good, and he does such a fantastic job.

Boys clothes

So yesterday I went shopping with one of my best friends, and, needless to say, we had an absolutely fabulous time. I have decided that a lot of what I wear this summer will probably be coming from the guys section in the stores (: Here's some really neat stuff that we found yesterday!

Perfect for surfing, or hiking through mountain streams.

Why do I feel like their shoes are always cooler?

Love this color.

Well that's all for now! I'll probably be posting more later though (: Have a great evening!

Summer day

Today was a gorgeous summer day. I woke up early and went out to breakfast by myself and ended up with some delicious iced coffee and a lovely cup of fruit. It was fun to be out that early, and to see all the business people dressed up in their suits and ties, ready to head into work. Since I had gotten up early, I had merely thrown my hair into a messy ponytail and wiped the smudged mascara off my face. Though it's June, the morning was actually fairly cool, so I wore my favorite orange sweatshirt with rolled up jeans. Thankfully I could dress casually because I didn't have to work this morning. After the coffee and fruit I ventured off to my favorite music store. It's a little hole-in-the-wall sort of place, and it has all kinds of sheet music. I could honestly spend hours in there if I could. But after that leisurely morning, it was time to go to work and be productive. After that I had the evening all to myself, and it was the perfect type of evening for a raspberry smoothie. I drove around with my smoothie, and I very well would have been happy to just continue driving forever. I literally drove around town, going nowhere, just enjoying the windows down, the fresh air, the sunset, and good music. It was one of those magical summer evening that you never want to end.


P.S. This is one of the songs I love to drive to.

Pining away

Mmm the weather has been so lovely lately I look for any excuse to get myself outside into the fresh air. o far it's been in the 60s with the morning and evenings barely fifty degrees. I know it's supposed to be summer, but fall was always my favorite season. Tonight I snuggled under a blanket with a piping hot cup of coffee and fresh chocolate chip cookies, and enjoyed the sunset with some really close friends. It felt so amazing. I've been doing a lot of traveling lately, and when that happens, I don't get to do as much blogging, but then again it's super nice to get away from technology. If I had to choose, I would so prefer a mountain climate to anything else. I love the crisp, fresh air and the sweet pine trees, and the towering white-capped peaks. Ahhhh I'd give anything to be in the mountains right now. I love to just lose myself in the forest because it's one of the best places to think. There's a song I know that goes "So you say that you're a loner, but I know you hate to be alone." That just fits me so well. I like to tell people that I'm fine by myself and that I just want to "get away," but the truth of the matter is, well, I hate to be alone, haha. Why is it that we're like that? Can't we just admit we don't like to be alone? We all wanted to be needed, and to know someone wants us around. We just want to know we matter.


P.S. I love, love, love this song so much. The piano music is definitely the highlight.

Moments like that

When people ask me how I'm doing, sometimes I honestly don't know what to say. There's just a deep ache inside of me that I can't figure out how to explain. How do you tell someone that your heart feels like it's bending inside of your chest? How do you tell someone that every time you breath, your chest tightens and you can't breathe. How do you tell someone that if you say one word then you're going to start sobbing?  These feelings are so hard to explain and are felt so deeply. Some things just can't be explained by words, and some things are best left unsaid. It's moments like these that we cry in our room, and try to hide away. It's moments like these when I wonder why the Lord would love someone like me. God is holy and just, and He hates sin. He has every right to cast us away, and yet He reached out in love. Forgiveness is there, but we have to choose to accept it. To accept the forgiveness of God, we first have to realize that we are sinners, deserving of punishment, and the only way we can be saved is through the grace of Jesus Christ. But if we refuse to accept Christ, then we have chosen to send ourselves to hell. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and He is waiting for us to come to Him. And when we turn to Him, and rely on the blood of Jesus Christ to save us from our sins, then He welcomes us with open arms. It's the nights I want to just lock myself in my room and cry, that I am SO incredibly thankful for my Lord and Savior and the grace and mercy He has shown me.

P.S. For those who might be running tonight

Late night adventures

Yesterday was quite the summer day, and one of the best days so far. Originally I was supposed to work, but patients canceled and I wasn't needed so I had the whole day to myself! I ran some errands and instantly bought up Owl City's new EP and it is absolutely incredible. It's like candy for my ears. Needless to say, I can't wait for the rest of the album! After that I left the city behind and went for some country driving. Two of my best friends and I went out on a photo shoot and found some great abandoned barns, woods, and wide open fields. I already love driving, but something about winding back roads make me wish I could just go for a long car ride to, well, nowhere in particular. The rest of the day included some re-watching of LOTR, a walk to the park, swing sets, merry-go-rounds, driving barefoot, eating ice cream, and more driving with the windows down, the music on, and not a care in the world! Then to top it all off, my sister, who's staying with us for a bit, took me to this amazing place in the country. So we put on our sweatpants, grabbed our old sneakers and left the house after midnight. Once we got there we hiked through the woods, and it was almost like being in a different world. The forest was quiet, the air was warm and the breeze was cool, and there was something so incredibly peaceful about walking in the dark. I love the night. The trail led us out to the river and we sat on the rocks under the bridge and just talked. The water rushed all around us, the stars were out, and it was so nice to just sit there and have a heart-to-heart talk with my sister. Between work and college, we don't get to see each other a lot. The best part? We did this all at two in the morning (: Even though getting up for work was hard this morning, I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Secret identities

Everybody has a secret identity, but not everybody is Batman.

I'm not sure if this was something incredibly witty that I came up with, or if I just saw it somewhere else and am just now remembering it. Either way, I like it a lot. I can count so many times where I have just wondered off inside my head, inside my own little world and pretended to be, well, super. I liked Christian Bale long before he became Batman, and it all started with an old musical called Newsies. Such a great movie, and still a classic favorite of mine. (I could even sing you all the songs word for word). But today I couldn't help but think of a quote from that movie, it goes something like this.
David: "All those words you said, those were mine."
Jack: "Yeah but you never had the guts to put em' across yourself, did ya?"
Those words were true back then, and they are still true today. Sometimes it's easier to say things when we know people don't know who we are, what we've done, where we've come from, or anything like that. Sometimes it's hard to own up to your own words, and admit that you wrote/thought/spoke them. I guess that's what makes a secret identity so great. I know in my head, I always imagine myself braver, and more courageous to speak up and say what I want to say. In my head I don't stutter or stumble over my words, but instead I speak them out clearly and strongly, and I actually get my point across. Instead of imagining though, I need to start practicing in real life. It won't be easy, but then again the things that are hard, are the ones worth fighting for.

I'm not alone

“Since you were precious in My sight, you have been honored, and I have loved you..” (Isaiah 43:4a)

     Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder how God could ever love someone like me. In the mirror I see all my mistakes, my faults, and I remember all the times that I have messed up. It's hard to see past all the imperfections, but they do say that you are your own worst critic. “I'm not good enough.” I cry out in the middle of the night. “Lord, why would you love someone like me? Why would You save someone like me?” It's a hard question, but through the night I'm gently reminded of the Lord's promises. It's at night when we are plagued by doubts and assailed by fears. Nighttime is when we're alone in the darkness and we begin to wonder about things, and we whisper our deepest fears, afraid to say them aloud.

      Some nights, I can't stop the tears. And yet once I've cried my heart out, and my shaking has faded, I know that God is still there. I know that I'm not alone in this fight. I am precious to Him! And He has promised to take care of His children. I was never promised that being a Christian would be easy, but I was promised time and time again that I would never have to go through anything alone. And whenever my past mistakes and failures confront me, I can't help but remember the verse 1 John,1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

      What an incredible thought! To think that once I have confessed my sins to the God of the universe He is merciful and forgiving towards someone as imperfect as me. What deep, vast, immeasurable love. And to think that also, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgression (sins) from us.” -Psalm 103:12- Not only have I been saved by grace, but I have a loving Savior who has promised to never leave me or forsake me. I'm not alone. And for that I am so incredibly thankful.

But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

--Isaiah 43:1-3--

P.S. "I'd like to look in the mirror  without hiding my eyes. I'd like to see what You see..."
 

You can't please everyone

I might be obsessed with Adam Young's cover of Garden Party. It's been on repeat all day long, and it still hasn't gotten old. I seriously can't get enough of it. There's a line in the song that really caught my ear. It's the one that goes: "You see, you can't please everyone, so you've gotta please yourself."  I'm sure this line could be taken many different ways, but for me, it really made me think about the way I live. It's so easy to want to be liked by everyone, but it's such hard work because honestly, you are never going to please every single person in your life. In saying "you've got to please yourself," to me it means that what it really comes down to is how you live, your standards, your morals, and your values. Instead of focusing on what others want me to be, I need to remember that it's not their favor I should be seeking. Rather, it should be the favor of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It's His opinion that matters most to me, and I want to live in a way that brings glory and honor to Him. I want others to see the light of Christ in my life, and I want them to know that they can have hope, and a new life. They don't have to be afraid of death. In listening to this song, it's really made me look inside myself, and what my motivations are. This world pushes the idea that we have to be well-liked and popular, but those things won't last. I would rather be loved or hated for who I am, and what I stand for, rather than just being well-liked because I go along with everybody else.

Whenever I listen to this song, I like to have full volume, and my eyes closed. Such a beautiful song.

White spaces

A blank page opens up a world of possibilities, and a whole new realm for discoveries. The chance is there for the taking. There's so much to say, to write, to create, and to think, but so often we let those moments pass us by. While staring at the blank nothingness, whether it's a piece of paper or a computer screen, a little doubt creeps into our minds. Suddenly there is a fear of stepping out into the unknown, and the white space seems almost intimidating. There's a fear that we won't be good enough, or that what we want to create won't work out right. What if we fail? Those words, "what if'' bring a million different scenarios to our minds, but that fear is just a lie. Don't fear those white spaces! We shouldn't let our fear hold us back from doing what we love. I'm a perfect example of this because, well, my major is art and photography, but as much as I love what I do, sometimes I'm afraid to show people my work. I'm afraid of not being good enough, and not measuring up to their standards. Like they say, you are your own worst critic. That's because you know what's inside of you, and you know what you're capable of. So when someone says that something of yours is good, you silently disagree because you know you could have done better. But this is why we carry on! And I am so thankful to know that every time I fall, every time I fail, I have the strength to press on. Not because of my strength, but because my strength is in the Lord, and I know that He will always be by my side.

Rainy day playlist

Unfortunately I think I might be coming down with something. After waking up with a really sore throat I have been downing tea like crazy! Tea is good for a sore throat, especially if you add a spoonful of honey and stir it in.  Needless to say, I really don't have time to get sick right now. Not before finals anyways. That's the good thing about a rainy Saturday though---I get to relax, enjoy some tea, work on school and new songs, and play around on the piano. Taking a break from reality is super helpful sometimes, and is definitely needed on occasion. On this particular break, I've been enjoying some really great music. Here's what part of my playlist looked like today :)

Perfect for jumping into puddles.

Seaside shadows.

When you've had a bad day.

This song never gets old.

Great song. Great cover.

This video honestly made me start to cry. I can't imagine life without my dad.

Can I have that lighthouse? And her voice?

One of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard.

This is how I play my keyboard too.

Must find the piano music for this one.

Alright, well I think that's all for now!

Covers and such

     There's something incredibly comforting about thunderstorms. I could honestly curl up with a blanket and sit in my chair besides the window and watch the lightning flash. It's always my favorite kind of light show, and I haven't seen anything better. Except for possibly the Northern lights, but I haven't seen them..........yet! I'm determined to go see them sometime before I die.
     On a side note, I recently discovered an incredible cover done by Owl City. I must say, there are so many interesting things to find when I should be doing homework instead. (I promise I'm not a slacker, it's just been a crazy past two weeks). And so, my perusing youtube paid off and I found this absolutely beautiful song. It amazes me how Adam Young never fails to bring a smile to my face with the music he makes. This song is an incredibly sad song actually, but in his cover there's a sense of hope. I love it! And I hope you all will like it as well (:  I actually found the piano music for this song and so hopefully I will be doing a cover of it soon! I'll keep everyone posted! I should really start posting more videos I guess, but I'm slightly embarrassed because our grand piano is pretty old, and sort of out of tune. As long as no one mind's that though, I would be happy to play.  (:

Crunch time

Well, finals are upon us, and I'm dreading/looking forward to these next two crazy weeks. It's times like these that I feel so overwhelmed with homework I just want to pick up all my books and throw them out the window. I realize that this isn't exactly logical, but sometimes it seems like such a great idea. When finals hit they bring on endless amounts of caffeine, late night papers that end up lasting till 3am, an enormous amount of snacks always close by, and music that inspires me to write algebra equations, ten page papers, and what not. Downing a container of mango ice cream might also be in order. But asides from that, the final result? Blissful freedom of no longer having homework hanging over your head! And sleeping in here and there as opposed to, well, never. Unless you have summer classes, then your freedom has to wait a little longer. Thankfully no summer classes for me this year! Instead my summer will consist of working, working, and the occasional trip here and there (hopefully). It's so close I can almost taste it. One of my favorite things about summer are the evenings. The daylight lasts longer, the fireflies are out and glowing, the stars shine brilliantly, late night swims in the lake, the warm air and the soft breeze, and nighttime car rides. First things first though......just make it through finals!

Strong enough

     Some days I tell myself that I'm strong. I square my shoulders, tilt my chin, and laugh when I want to cry. I fold my arms across my chest and say that I want to stand alone. I want to be brave. I want to be strong. I want to be the shoulder that others can cry on. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to complain. I don't want to worry anyone. Most of all, I don't want them to know that on the inside I feel so weak. I've built a wall around myself and I can't let anyone in. I want so bad to be strong enough to protect the ones I love. I want to keep them from all their hurt and pain. If I could, I don't want them to have to go through anything bad. 

     I feel like I have to measure up to a standard that's been set in front of me. In my head I can hear the words echo: “You have to be strong. You can't be weak.” I try so hard to endure things on my own. I want to do it myself. I don't want help. At least, that's what I tell myself. It's like in order to be strong, I have to do it alone. It seems like such a lonely road. Sometimes I feel as if I'm standing alone on the top of a cliff and the rain is pouring down. I want so much to break through the barriers and tell someone that I'm not okay. But is that selfish? They could be going through a really rough time and I might not even know it, so why burden them with my troubles? 

    The desire to be strong hurts so much. It's like I'm trying to climb with a huge burden on my back. I'm always trying to stay one step ahead. One lie leads to another as I try to avoid the “How are you?” question. I just want to be strong. It's like I have to be. The girl who longs to protect those around her, wants so much to be protected. The one whose always there for others, just wants to know that someone is there for them. We just want to know that someone could love us for who we really are. 

  

Papers and road trips

There's nothing quite like pigging out on pretzels at 11:30 on a monday night, trying to finish up a paper that's due in class tomorrow morning. Procrastination at it's best I tell ya. I'm writing about "does the student use words that are confusing to other?" It's definitely making for an interesting paper. Sorry I haven't written in ages! Between college classes and working two jobs, it doesn't give you much time to breathe. Not to mention, whenever I'm not in class/at work/doing homework, I try to spend every second I can outside! The weather has been absolutely gorgeous. The redbuds are blooming, the peach trees are....smelling, and the magnolia's are dripping with blossoms! The grass is greener, the sun is brighter, the sky is bluer, and everything is grand. I don't even mind getting up early to run as much any more. It's days like these when I just want to drive, and drive, and drive under the vibrant blue sky.