Walls

Some days its all we can do to drag ourselves out of bed. We aren't ready to face the world and we'd much rather hide away under the covers. Yet if all we do is continually run and hide then we will miss out on so much. Fear and shame only drives us farther from the ones we love and they keep our hearts locked away. I don't want to be like that, but though I tell myself this, I keep finding myself doing the exact opposite. I build up walls around myself and convince myself that no one is allowed in. I have it in my head that I'm safer that way, and that I won't ever be hurt again. As the walls rise up all around me, I realize that they're transparent, and than I worry that others will be able to see through. Inwardly I curl up into a ball, wrap my arms around my legs, and bury my face between my knees. The longer I sit there, the more alone I feel. I'm holding my breath and hold back the tears, as a lump grows in my throat. I tell myself that it doesn't matter; that I'm fine on my own. Though deep down inside I know that I'm lying. The more people pass by, the more I wonder why they can't see. I suddenly leap to my feet and pound against the walls, but even though I'm screaming I can't hear a sound. The walls I had built to protect myself were now the walls that held me captive. Then suddenly He is there right by my side. I look down and see the tears I cried in His hand. He lifts my tear-stained face to meet His gentle, loving gaze, and suddenly the walls slowly begin to dissolve all around me. Rays of golden sun seemingly melt the cold, blue-grey stones that had been my jailer only just a moment ago. And grace, overwhelming, never-ending, abundant grace sweeps over me like a tidal wave. Hope once again floods my soul as my Lord and Savior takes me by the hand and pulls me to my feet. Such grace, such love, such new found peace. Oh Jesus, precious Jesus, to think that You could love someone like me.

Insecurity

The future is a scary thing. Stepping out into the unknown for the first time. It's kinda've intimidating. There's tons of stuff to consider when we're trying something new. We're so afraid of what other people will think, of what they'll say, and we're afraid to fall. We don't want to make a fool of ourselves. In today's world they make "fitting in" seem so important. And often we think it is. We think we've got to listen to the latest music, wear the latest brands, and have the latest technology. We've gotten so caught up with "fitting in" that we've forgotten how to be ourselves. So what if we're different? Honestly, it'd be refreshing. Why not be ourselves? It'd be so much easier then trying to pretend to be someone we're not. Lie after lie, trying to make people think we're something different. Is it really worth it? I want people to like me for who I am. Not someone I try to be, or pretend to be for that matter. Another thing I tend to do is be someone around certain people, but different around other people. What's up with that?? Honestly, I'm not really sure. I hate it when I act like that. So lately I've been telling myself "Just be yourself." You'd be surprised at the results. People like it when you're yourself. When you're honest with them. No lies, nothing pretend, no faking. We get so caught up in what other people think, that we don't realize that they're probably worrying about the same thing. So what if we did something different? But what if we just let our insecurities fall to the ground? What if we dared to take that first step? What if instead of waiting for someone to talk to us, we go up and talk to someone else? If you did that, I think you would make that persons day. Everyone wants to know someone cares. So let's branch out and move on. Too often we don't spread out wings because we're afraid we'll fall. But we can't go on living like that. I don't know about you, but I want to fly.