to be content

So while talking to one of my friends tonight, I mentioned that rich people lead a different life. He quickly responded with "Yeah and it's one I wouldn't want to live." The more I thought about it, the more I totally agreed with it. Having money isn't bad, but there are so many things you gain when you don't have money. Coming from a big family, if I ever wanted something, I had to earn the money for it. I pay for my education, I paid for my car, I buy my clothes, and whatever else I want. It's not always easy, but I appreciate these things so much because I worked hard for them. They have more value to me because of that. Take my car for instance: it's a little red Pontiac, nothing fancy, but I wouldn't trade it for a Lamborghini. Honestly. I love my little red car. There is so much to be gained from hard work! And I think this generation has forgotten that. Compared to some, my life seems like a rich life. We all have our struggles, someone will always have more than we have, but I'm genuinely happy. I want to be like Paul when he said,
"for I have learned in whatever state I am to be content." -Philippians 4:11-
Can you imagine? Paul doesn't just say "whenever there are good times I am content." No. It's in WHATEVER STATE. Rich, poor, full, hungry, happy, lonely. Paul is able to be content with life. Why? Because he knows there is more to life than things, and that is the Savior, Jesus Christ. He is all I need, even though I often forget that concept. With Christ, there is want for nothing. Does this mean I get everything I want? Of course not. Because not everything is helpful to me, and I learn and grow from the hard times. God planted me here, in my life, because He wanted me here, and for that I am content. I have been greatly blessed with what I have, and I'm grateful that the Lord has placed me right here.

Sweet Summer

What do you do when the sleep doesn't come? When you're lying wide awake in the dark with nothing but an urge to run. Run fast and run far, run from wherever you are. Adventure is waiting, and it feels like you're missing, lying there alone in the dark. This summertime feeling is un-explainable. The insatiable desire to move, to breathe, to feel the wind in your face. I just want to drive my little red car all over town with the windows down and the radio turned all the way up. I want to laugh out loud for no reason at all, and I want to drink the night air in. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to miss a second. I want to be out there, somewhere, with someone. I want to leave behind these city lights, and glimpse the silver stars amid their dark velvet blanket. I want to spin and twirl under the stars until I fall down with dizziness. Star tripping is what we call it. Fireflies are beginning to come out, berries are ripening, honeysuckle is blossoming, and summer, sweet summer is calling.

Writing, Reading, and Listening

Fact: I stay up late listening to Jack's Mannequin, looking up good books to read, working on finishing the twelve different stories I've started, and, well, blogging.

It's an exciting life I lead, isn't it? Honestly I enjoy it. I think I enjoy staying up late way too much, which might be border-lining into insomnia. Maybe. I'll keep you posted. For real though, guys, I want like ALL the Jack's Mannequin piano books. The fact that piano is a key part of his music makes him all the more of a favorite. Heads up though, not all his songs are clean, so be careful. That being said, here's a good one!




Also, as far as good books go. Any recommendations? Right now I'm looking to read Howl's Moving Castle, The Little Prince, and The Damascus Countdown. I forgot how much I loved reading. Another summer perk (;

Oddly enough, the Memo app on my phone is by far my favorite. I write down everything. From favorite verses from the Bible, lyrics that catch my ear, songs to look up, books to read, quotes to inspire, lists of all kinds, and some of my random writings. Here's one for tonight:

The me in my head is basically a hippie/art chick. With a dash of emo maybe? Not the dark part, but the troubled writer/skinny jean wearer part. The me in my head is eloquent and witty, with an uncommon knowledge of random facts. She's sure of herself, with a slight tinge of fear that keeps her from being totally stupid. She chugs coffee like nobody's business, and is actually a bit of a coffee snob. She has a secret. A secret that drives her and gives her that air of mystery. She stays up way too late painting and making a mess, trying to hash out her tangled feelings. The me in me is quiet, but fierce. Fiercely loving and protecting the ones I love. 

I write more honestly when I pretend I'm writing about someone else (referring to "she" instead of "I"). This all concludes my random Sunday night/Monday morning post. Goodnight, all you lovely people!

Upside Down

"These who have turned the world upside down.." --Acts 17:6

There are Christians who are saved, and yet they aren't really living in the grace God has given them. I'm guilty of this myself, and it frustrates me so much. I know who I am in Christ. I'm forgiven, redeemed, set free, and brought into the family. I know this, and yet I find myself just living, and not fully alive in Christ. Reading through the New Testament, I crave that boldness Peter and the others had. I want to live that kind of life for my Savior. There is an incredible amount of work that needs to be done. We should be praying for workers, because there is absolutely NOTHING that can hold a candle to serving the living God. I have to ask myself, "Is my heart right before God, to the extent that God could call me right now to do His work?" 

     Persecution is coming. Scratch that, it's already here. Jesus never said that being a Christian would be easy, after all, is a servant better than his master? Being a Christian isn't a religion, it is a relationship with a God who loved you SO much that He spared not His son to die for you (Romans 8:32). One of my dear friends recently told me, "Following Christ is like a drug addiction, but without the consequences. When I don't have Christ in my life, and I have run away from Him, there is no joy in my life. But with Christ there is incredible joy." Joy is different from happiness in that happiness is momentary, but joy lasts a lifetime and through the pain. It doesn't always mean you smile through pain, but it means deep down inside you know there's more then this, and that the pain won't last forever. There is hope in the morning!

     The verse from Acts 17 blew me away over the weekend. It was like I had never noticed it before, that short little phrase: "These who have turned the world upside down." I want that so much to be said of my generation. I want us to live truly and passionately for Christ! I want to go further with Christ than my parents ever did. I want to see God do great things that we have never seen. I want to be a people of prayer! And I long for revival in this country. America was founded on the Word of God, and we were greatly blessed for that. Being faithful to God was the very reason we succeeded as a nation, but now we have turned from Christ, and the nation is hurting because of it. People are in pain, wars are tearing us apart, peace is sought and peace is not found. Why? Not only because we have CHOSEN to turn from God, but because our time on earth is short, and I truly believe that we will not be here much longer. Can you count how many movies that have come out in the past 2-3 years that dealt with aliens and the end of the world? The world knows that the end is near, and they are afraid.
    Because time is short I want to plead with the other believers to take that stand for Christ. To live fully for Him. Be the generation who will turn the world upside down! Pray earnestly for revival and repentance. Because living for Christ is something you will NEVER regret. 

Comeback

Jack's Mannequin is back!! As a solo artist of course (; nonetheless I am super excited. His song Dark Blue will forever be a favorite.

Struggles of Perfection

     Perfection isn't demanded of me, but I demand it of myself. When I fail, I get mad at myself for not doing better, for not getting it right. I don't know what it is, but I guess I feel the need to be perfect. Which is stupid really, because there is no one on earth who is perfect. The only one who is perfect is God. I'm so incredibly thankful that God doesn't demand perfection of me, because I fall short all too often. What brought this up? I didn't finish to well in one of my classes this semester. It's going to effect my GPA, and I'm afraid of that. I feel so stupid, and I wish I had done things differently. I wish I had been better. Thus concludes the end of my sophomore year of college. I know that next semester is a new semester, and it will be a fresh start. I just gotta learn from these mistakes. I'm bad about not looking back. I let the past hang over my head and haunt me, not on purpose, but I just catch myself doing it. I want to move on, keep my face looking forward. It hurts right now, it really, really hurts. But  I know that all things will work together for good. God has a plan and a purpose and I'm just going to keep moving forward. Summer has finally arrived.

Thinking about thinking

Restless, restless, restless.

I want to move, I want to go,

I want to throw my worries out the window.

Thousands of thoughts inside my head,

all of them with no place to go.

The only outlet my thoughts have

is the flow of pencil on paper.

Black and white, white and black

things make sense again.

Thoughts don't sleep, dreams don't keep,

these words they never cease.

I think more than I speak

I write more than I say

Quiet on the inside, turmoil lies within

trying to unravel the mess in me.

(by: me)

      When I write, it's always honest and true because I don't stop to think about how the words flow, I just write them as they come. Sometimes there's an effort to make things rhyme, but other times I really don't care. When I write like that, things come spilling out that amaze me because feelings I hadn't voiced suddenly come to life on paper. Do you ever forget that people think? To be honest, I do it all the time. I get so immersed in my own thoughts that I don't think about how the person sitting next to me could be swimming through their own sea of thoughts. It's odd how that works. 

P.S. I discovered these two tonight, and I think this song is just so sweet! Enjoy!