Little Boxes

"Well?" They ask, looking expectantly for an answer. My anxiety starts to rise as I tremble on the inside. Fear fills my soul because I know that I don't have the answer they're looking for. Do they realize the stress they are inducing, or is it merely an automated response? It's as if society has instilled in us this sense that we ought to have it all together. Go to school, go to college, get a job in your field, work for the rest of your life. Why does it have to be that way? What happened to living?  There are too many boxes in this world. Too many cubicles, check lists, files to fill, and houses that all look alike. When I was younger I used to think that adults have everything figured out. That somehow, when you reached that magical age, you would simply know things. News flash: it doesn't work like that. I don't always have an answer. I don't always know what I'm doing, but I'm learning. I'm learning that I'm not a nice, neat little box. I'm more like a Pollock painting, and that's just how life is. Life is messy, even though we desperately want it to be organized. There's beauty in the chaos, there's beauty in living. 

I'm well aware that life doesn't go as planned. Because of a mix up in my advising, I won't be graduating till next May. I worry too much about the future, and my anxious little heart beats a million times per second (or so it feels). However, my mom gave me some expert advise the other night: just live today. Live today, right here, right now, and don't stress so much about things far in the future that you cannot control. Focus on the splatters and brush strokes that make up the life you are living right now. I still don't have things figured out and I probably never will. The best thing to do is to keep moving forward. For instance, my plan is to move out when I graduate and head west. I long for the mountains and the vast ocean. I figure one can either go where the job is, or go where they want to live and find the job once they get there. I've been landlocked my whole life, and it feels similar to living in a box. Maybe I don't end up with a job in design, but I'd be content working in some small surf shop on the coast-making enough just to get by. It'd be an adventure, my adventure, and I just want to enjoy it as long as I'm alive.  

Revive Us Again

     Holiday weekend is over and life starts up where it left off. There really is homework galore these days, but I just need to settle in and get with it. It was an incredible weekend that involved running around in the woods, stargazing on the lake, hiking muddy trails and exploring small, dark caves, early mornings coffee with a balcony view, and encouraging and convicting messages. 
     I know for a fact, that I've been a very apathetic Christian this year. I knew that, even as I continued on my way, telling myself that I could get by. When in reality, I knew I was falling further and further away. All along I knew what I needed to do, but I kept procrastinating (something I'm really very good at). This weekend I was really challenged about how I'm living. If we, as Christians, aren't enthusiastic about our faith, then how can we expect the lost to be enthusiastic? Revival is something this nation desperately needs. It's something the world desperately needs. 
     Before revival can sweep a nation, it has to start in individual's hearts. Revival has to start with me. Revival is the renewing of God's people. Over the weekend, one verse kept coming to my mind:

     "if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and week My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land."  -2 Chronicles 7:14

I can dress up the outside, pretend like I'm doing fine, but if my heart isn't changed--it won't work. The Lord really drove that home to me. We had a prayer meeting Saturday night and, and as I sat there I begged the Lord to break my cold, cold heart. Then a brother mentioned this verse, and I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. I asked the Lord to forgive me, to change me, and to revive me in His ways. You see, Jesus Christ is everything we're looking for and yet He is what we're running from at the same time. 
     Surrender scares us. We aren't sure if we really want to give Him 100% of our life, yet it is so worth it. There truly is NOTHING greater than serving the Savior. Once you have tasted the goodness of the Lord, you begin to disdain the very things you once pursued. Once we fall in love with Christ, the world begins to lose its charm. People often think that they have to clean themselves up, and fix themselves before they come to Christ. It's just the opposite! Come to Christ and HE will change you. He works from the inside out.


This song came on my ipod on the trek home, and I thought it was so appropriate.

pre-semester fears

     It's been awhile since I've written a regular post. Nowadays they're mostly about music, but that's not a terrible thing I guess. Another semester is right around the corner. I'm looking forward to class, yes, but I'm also actually terrified. The first day especially freaks me out. It involves leaving my comfort zone, and meeting a whole roomful of new people. Who do you even sit by on the first day? One would think that being in my senior year of college, I would have grown accustomed to this dizzying obstacle. Sadly, that is not the case. In my mind I'm already prepping myself, telling myself not to worry, and that it'll be fine. I'm also praying that the Lord would give me strength, and that I would be able to be a witness this semester also.
     It's easy for me to get caught up in worrying about myself, and what other people think of me. Lately I've actually been so self-conscious that I avoid certain people. (Any by certain I mean attractive, because why would an attractive person want to talk to me?) But putting that aside, I know that those thoughts are selfish and self-absorbed. Instead I want to be quick to consider how others might be feeling, what they might be worrying about, and try to put myself in their shoes. We all have a story to tell.
     Those are just a few pre-semester jitters. I'm sure they'll be over soon, and I'm sure there will be all kinds of crazy things that go on as well. I wish you all the best!

Always summer

Only one more week of summer left. Ah, man. One more week of crazy summer nights, catching fireflies at midnight, swimming through creeks at 2am, chasing sunsets, blaring music, eating ice cream, slurping slushies, skateboarding in the parking lot, and all those other crazy things. Did I mention french fries and shakes late at night? It's been a different summer for me. Honestly, I just stayed here and worked all the time! There was plenty of fun in between the work hours, and some weekend trips. No crazy destinations, though. I'm really looking forward to fall, as always. Also, it's my senior year of college. Wild. To kick off the fall semester, Yellowcard released some exciting news and a new song off their album! Super psyched for this new stuff.

( Here's the link for their new song: http://www.underthegunreview.net/2014/08/18/yellowcard-premiere-new-track-one-bedroom-push-back-lift-a-sail-release-date/ )

Aaand since summer is coming to a close, here's a few songs that I always jam out to at the beginning of fall semester.

Classic.



The title says all.



Yessss.

Like Us

When will people look at other people
and finally see them as people,
and not just material things.
When will we see their fragile soul?
Look past the outside, to see they are
so lost on the inside.
Realize that they are human,
hurting, feeling, reaching, dreaming--
when will we see 
they are just like us?

Music Mondays

Finals are here, guys. Only two more weeks left in the semester and I feel like I'm drowning in projects. So much to do! I've actually been listening to a lot of soundtracks lately, so that's what this music Monday will be all about. I hope you enjoy!


More Saving Mr. Banks because it never gets old.




From one of my favorite soundtracks.




Mmm this one gives me chills.




This movie has such a beautiful soundtrack. The first more than the other two!




Classic. Such a classic.




Oh, so beautiful.




Ghibli never disappoints when it comes to soundtacks.




Quality cover from one of the greatest game themes.

Music Mondays

Today was an incredibly cloudy, rainy, and hazy day. I love a good rainy day, but this one made me exceptionally sleepy. Sadly, the rain brought with it much cooler temps. Guess winter hasn't given up just yet. In honor of the weather, I thought I'd share my rainy day playlist with you all. Rainy days put me in a mellow mood. I hope you enjoy!


The title says it all.




Love, love, love this one.




Sort of "rediscovered" this one, and have been listening to it ever since.



Another classic.



Swim for your life.




Kingdom Hearts. No shame.



Lastly, I'm a sucker for soundtracks. Maybe next week I'll do a soundtrack theme!