The Perfect Excuse

Do you ever lay there at night, staring at the ceiling, exhausted but unable to sleep? You just can't seem to sleep because your brain won't shut down. Thousands of thoughts swirling in your mind, demanding your time and attention. And then you get so frustrated you just want to cry. Its so easy to fall apart at night because nobody is watching. During the night you're free to let the words just pour out all while during the day you can feel them looking at you, wanting to know if you're okay. Your response? You put on your biggest smile, laugh, and say "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired" Perfect excuse right? Of course. But when they turn away, do you ever feel the words trembling on your tongue? They press against your lips and you're just dying for someone to look you in the eye and say "You're lying." And the reason you want them to ask, is because you can't bring yourself to tell. But then you wonder, will there ever be that kind of person? Or maybe one day we'll get up the courage. Maybe one day we'll finally be able to let our walls fall to the ground and just let all that we've been holding in out. We just have to keep on, to keep moving even when we feel like falling. Don't give up! You're not alone in this fight.

Favorite songs of the week.
Times--by Tenth Avenue North
Don't Give Up--Green River Ordinance
Undone--FFH
Love Story Meets Viva la Vida--Jon Schmidt

Swivel Chairs

One of life's small joys are swivel chairs. Seriously. They're just so much fun! Everyone should sit in one. Even better than a regular swivel are the swivels with wheels! (And by swivel, I mean the chairs that spin around). Then of course there's racing madly up and down hallways with these chairs. If you've never raced in one before.....I highly recommend it. It's good to do something zany every know and then. It keeps us laughing and it keeps our friends on their toes.
The point? Well, I don't really have one. Honestly the subject just came to mind because I'm currently sitting in a large swivel chair with wheels. Oh, and listening to music of course. I love music. Do you ever feel like it just perfectly describes you in a moment? It doesn't have to be a song with words, I love instrumental stuff too. Like Seagull Orchestra. Though my current favorite(s) are Oh Darling by Plugin Stereo. And Endlessly by Green River Ordinance (:

Fear

When people ask you what you're afraid of.....what's your first thought? Do you think of spiders, snakes, crawly things of any sort, heights, small spaces, dying, or darkness? Or maybe you don't think of stuff like that. If you're like me, then the things that come to your mind aren't really things you can see. Things like: being alone, failing, getting hurt, letting people down, falling, not being good enough, or maybe afraid that no one could ever love someone like you. A big one for me is not being good enough. Not being able to measure up. That fear holds me back sometimes from trying new things. I always feel like there's some bar that's been set, and I stare up at it as my hands get sweaty and my mouth goes dry. I feel like its so high and that there's no way I could possibly get over it. And then sometimes you feel like you can't ever do anything right and that you'll always mess up no matter what. But that's not true. No, I'm not perfect. Yes, I'll mess up. But I won't ever give up. So I've got to keep trying and keep moving on. Even when fear tries to hold me down. Courage isn't the absence of fear; its being afraid and choosing to go on. So I'll keep going. Never giving up. And I'm so thankful that I have Someone who will be with me through it all (:

Drawings

Just some random stuff I've drawn. I hope you like it!