Because of Him

      Sometimes I spend so much time wishing I could anybody else, that I forget just how truly blessed I am. I may not be the perfect image I want to be, but let's face it, I'll never be perfect. The thing is, I was created to be me, and not anybody else. My mama always told me that no one else could be me, and that God put me here for a very special purpose. I catch myself thinking, “really?” I look inside of me and all I see are my faults, my weaknesses, and my sin, and I wonder how I could be used for anything. But that's the amazing part. God can use anybody who is willing. It's not about me being perfect, it's about me being willing to let God work in my life. I get so caught up in thinking about me, myself, and I, and I forget to look beyond my own self, and my own selfish desires. I don't want to be like that.

     I'm proud and selfish. Maybe I don't show it, but I see it on the inside, and I hide it because I don't want my friends and family to know. Even though I can hide it from them, I can't hide it from God. For He knew me even before I was born, and He created me in His own image. He knows me inside and out, and better than I know myself, and in spite of it all, He loves me. Like in Romans 5:7-8, “For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would even dare to die—but God shows His love for us (me), in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

It blows my mind that God would love me enough to send His only Son, Jesus Christ, to take my place on the cross. He endured the mocking, the beatings, the shame, and the pain, all for my sake. Jesus hung there on the cross, utterly alone. He cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken Me?” He was crying out, not to His Father, but to God the Creator. He cried out and asked “why?” but there was no answer. He took my place in the darkness, alone and with no answer. That should have been me, left alone. There was no one to comfort Him, and no one to pity Him.

     So when I start feeling sorry for myself, and thinking that I “deserve” something, I remember this. I don't even deserve to take my next breath, but because of the love of God, I am able to breathe, and to live. And this is the reason I live. To be used by Him, to bring glory and honor to my King, and to give Him the worship He deserves.