Strong enough

     Some days I tell myself that I'm strong. I square my shoulders, tilt my chin, and laugh when I want to cry. I fold my arms across my chest and say that I want to stand alone. I want to be brave. I want to be strong. I want to be the shoulder that others can cry on. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to complain. I don't want to worry anyone. Most of all, I don't want them to know that on the inside I feel so weak. I've built a wall around myself and I can't let anyone in. I want so bad to be strong enough to protect the ones I love. I want to keep them from all their hurt and pain. If I could, I don't want them to have to go through anything bad. 

     I feel like I have to measure up to a standard that's been set in front of me. In my head I can hear the words echo: “You have to be strong. You can't be weak.” I try so hard to endure things on my own. I want to do it myself. I don't want help. At least, that's what I tell myself. It's like in order to be strong, I have to do it alone. It seems like such a lonely road. Sometimes I feel as if I'm standing alone on the top of a cliff and the rain is pouring down. I want so much to break through the barriers and tell someone that I'm not okay. But is that selfish? They could be going through a really rough time and I might not even know it, so why burden them with my troubles? 

    The desire to be strong hurts so much. It's like I'm trying to climb with a huge burden on my back. I'm always trying to stay one step ahead. One lie leads to another as I try to avoid the “How are you?” question. I just want to be strong. It's like I have to be. The girl who longs to protect those around her, wants so much to be protected. The one whose always there for others, just wants to know that someone is there for them. We just want to know that someone could love us for who we really are.