Old memories

So I was cleaning up my place today, and came across my "writing box," and oh did that bring back memories. I couldn't believe how many scraps and sheets of paper were in there, and not only that, but the several different notebooks I filled up over the years. It's crazy! Here's a couple things of mine that I "rediscovered." I even came across some adoption papers my best friend and I had made up when we were in middle school. We were positive we should have been from the same family! Oh, so many old memories.

(Part of an old song....I haven't found the other part yet.)

I always was the one who'd rather hide away then face the world.

I never thought that I could be, just be the real me.

I wanted to fit in, to belong. But that meant I had to play along.

And the part I was playing wasn't who I wanted to be.

It started out all right, but I knew it wouldn't work.

I knew I couldn't pretend to be who I'm not.

I was tired of playing the game, but I couldn't get away.

It kept pulling me back, no matter how hard I fought.

And then a few short poems:

"She sits all alone.

No one seems to notice,

the sadness in her eyes.

But she hides it so well, 

behind that mask of hers.

Hoping, wishing, dreaming,

if only someone could see."

"Clouds hang gray in the sky.

All your tears have run dry.

On your face is a smile,

but you're faking it all the while."

"Undecided. A fork in the path;

               right or left?

Unsure. Questions fill your mind;

              which way?

Until. A choice is yours;

        what will you choose?" 

I really struggled with the whole aspect of wanting to "fit in," and I have learned so much these past few years. I wish I could go back and tell myself that it's not important. Everyday I've been learning that as a Christian, I'm not supposed to fit in. This world is not my home, and I want to live in such a way that everything I say and do, points to Christ and His great love. So, to end this post, I found another song I had written, and it looks like I was finally learning.

"I'm tired of who I've been. I don't want to be like that anymore

I'm tired of pretending, and I'm ready to let go.

Watch me go, you can't keep me down. Watch me fly, don't hold me back.

I'm finally free, my wings are released, and now I fly away. 

I'd rather be myself, than pretend to be someone else.

I don't care what they might think, it doesn't matter any more.

No more pretending. I'm walking out the door. 

Watch me go, you can't keep me down. Watch me leave, it's over now.

I'm finally free, my wings released, and at last I fly away."

Have a goodnight, everyone!